Fusion v3.0

Post script

2012-01-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

I still pop in here to read old posts now and then. I am surprised I still get hits on here daily. Pulled up my old stat counter (after having to reset the password I forgot!) and on some days I have as many as 10 plus visits, interesting.
So to those people I say Hello!

And no, I'm not starting to blog again.

At least I don't think so.

But there is a Presidential election coming up...

I even watched Keith Obermann for the first time in ages last night...

pass the fork...

2010-09-10T11:33:00.000-07:00

Four years ago this week (last Sunday to be exact) the woman I had spent close to thirty years with left this world. I still remember the day we buried her quite clearly, what I did, some of the thoughts I had, what the weather was like. As I drove back towards home with my son I was thinking about how different life would be now, and I remember the under laying sadness that hung over me. But along with that sadness, there was relief too. The past four months watching my wife seemingly age forty years had been a huge strain on my family and I remember thinking "now I move on, we all move on". But to what I didn't know at the time. I started by going back to work, but ironically my first Saturday back on the job was interrupted with a phone call from my son, finding out that my dad had just died, and I found myself on a plane to California within hours, and then spending the next two weeks sorting things out there for my mom.

I remember that first Christmas sitting on my couch at home, looking at the lights on the tree and the glow it gave the living room, the same room my wife had died in three months earlier. If it hadn't been for my son's work, I wouldn't have even had the tree or lights up. I sat there on that couch, and just felt numb and sad. Sad for all that could have been, but never was between us.
On New Years Eve I was sick, but I remember standing at the back door listening to the fireworks and gunshots (ah life in north Idaho...) and wondering where I might be the next December 31st. Never would have guessed Tasmania...

But that holiday season I had just discovered a new place to express myself and my feelings. Thanks in part to my hospice grief counselor who said I should write and a blogger who went by the name of "Oblivion", I found myself here on blogger, and I began to write about everything.

Many people don't get the concept of blogging but it worked well for me. It allowed me to read the stories of other people that had or were going through the same things I had with my wife, and to write about my experiences and feelings as well.

What I didn't expect was all the life changing feedback that I received through the years, and it never ceases to amaze me the wisdom we all have to share, and it still does.

I made so many new friends, and followed their stories of life (and death sometimes) on their blogs. Oblivion and her story of a husband who didn't want to have sex, Maureen and her fight with breast cancer, and more recently the discovery of a long lost son, Gillette who writes with such wisdom I was nervous about meeting her the first time because of it, Deb and her insights as she examined life and herself. My friend who goes by the name "Loving Annie" was there for me several times, most notably when I needed a friend to call the day I changed the locks and threw my daughter out of my house. Fiona who was there when I just needed a friend to talk to (and I'm so happy for her and Steve now). My friend Drama (and her son "Bug") whom I visited three times and went to an Alanis Morissette concert with and traveled to a blogger meet and greet together. These are people I still have contact with today, and just because we first met on the Internet doesn't make them less friends, in fact in most cases we've share so much were closer than some friends I've had for years. This is one of the coolest things about blogging. All told I've met 19 bloggers in person, and I have never once been disappointed.
And of course there was Kimba, a very special woman who took a chance when most wouldn't. And although things didn't end up the way many bloggers (and I) had hoped for, she and I were good for each other in ways I still am discovering, and I continue to smile when I read about Taz, and more recently the purchase of her first home. She's one hell of a groovie chick ;)

So when thinking about this final post for my blog, I kept thinking what did it do for me?

It would be easy to say something flash and melodramatic like "It saved my life", but that isn't quite right.

What it did do was more simple, it help figure out who I really was, to find the real me for the first time in my life. I held none of my thoughts back, sugar coated nothing. It cost me some family, and friends as well. But what I gained was more important, the most important thing.

And that is what this blog has meant to me.

I've had people write to me saying I inspired them with what I wrote here, or with what I went through. Or they write that they're going through similar circumstances to mine, and thank me for sharing my experiences.

And that to me is what blogging is all about, or at least can be. We can share our life stories and learn from each other. It lets us know we're not alone in our situations and feelings, and that others are going through similar situations.

Recently a popular blogger was found out to be a fake, and while that does happen, I think most of us know who the real ones really are. Some write for the entertainment value, creating fake persona's, making us laugh, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. But for me it was personal and honest, a look into my life as I started putting it together again in a different way. I knew no other way to write. For years I had thought of writing books, but never did. But now I think of this as my book, hell I've written enough here it probably could be one...

So if you're reading this for the first time, maybe having found your way here from a google search, old blogging link or a comment I left, I say welcome. Look around as much or little as you want. I'm no one special, just a middle aged man who got a "do over" from life through a sad set of circumstances, and this is the story of my journey since then. Granted we never stop learning and changing, but I think it's worked out pretty well so far.

This blog will remain for others to read, and I will still read and comment on other blogs and facebook as well. But I have nothing more to add here, and so it's time to end it and devote my energies elsewhere.

To all that have read and commented through the years, I thank you.
You've been wonderful.

Now where did I put that fork?

;)

home improvements, the last of them...for now

2010-09-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

The guys that bought this house to fix up and sell lost money because of the "Great Recession", and so they did quick cover ups to make the place look decent enough to sell before housing prices dropped even further. They had painters come in and spray paint the inside walls flat white, and they sprayed over everything, bugs, cobwebs, tape and decals on the walls and ceilings, even the original brass door knobs. In the bathrooms, kitchen and laundry room they put down a concrete textured flooring material (in the kitchen they also put it on the laminate counter top, making it uneven and unusable). The problem with the stuff they put down was that there was already three layers of vinyl flooring under it, and with the top layer of vinyl being soft, almost immediately after we moved in the concrete began cracking and breaking up. We knew it would have to go before long, and so we decided to use the last of our home improvement funds to replace the flooring. Knowing nothing about laying vinyl, we hired a contractor to do the work, but I did paint and install the new bathroom vanity, and installed the new cabinetry in the pantry. It feels good to be done with the major work on the house now, we have no plans to do any more for a couple years at least. Then once we've replenished the renovation fund, the windows and outside concrete will be replaced (with a new patio, fire ring, and hot tub added).
Through out all this one thing has proven true: It ends up costing more than you expect, you need more materials than you thought you would, and it takes longer than you wanted to. But in the end it's worth it when you see the finished product.

You can see where we tore up some of the flooring to see if there was more hardwood under the vinyl, sadly there wasn't.

The flooring material we used (called Flexitec) was recommended to us by a good friend who spent many years selling flooring materials. This flooring is imported from Belgium, and has a twenty year warranty. I was able to get it for less than the cost of the basic flooring that Lowes was selling, thanks in part to our friend.

This photo hints at one of our next projects, refurbishing the tile (and bathtub) in the bathroom. It was all painted over with a special tile paint to cover up old grout and mold that is starting to show now that the special paint is peeling...

care package from my adopted country

2010-08-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

It started with a craving. My favorite biscuits (cookies to us Yanks) while living in Australia were Tic Tocs, and I posted about one night on Facebook about wanting some. And now as I write this I'm enjoying some. And Hundreds and thousands biscuits, Tim Tams, and chicken Twisties (saltier than I remember). All thanks to the generosity of a fellow blogger that when I return to Oz will be on my short list of people (and one dog) to visit.
Thank you (again) Ute!
And another ex blogger has told me she is going to send me a package of goodies soon as well.
See why I so love this country and it's people? Just the nicest sort you could ever want to meet. And Ute is going to be getting some American goodies soon too. I hope she and Magnaboy enjoy them as much as we're enjoying the Aussie snacks she sent.

As she puts it: Nom nom!

home improvements, part 3

2010-08-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

Back in the day (well, way way back to be accurate) I worked in a home improvement store like Home Depot/Lowes (or Bunnings in Oz) where I gained much of my knowledge of electrical and plumbing work. I also like to believe that my grandfather and dad both gave me the love of fixing things. When Terry bought this house, one of the things I knew I'd be working on was the single car garage. Almost everything in it was jury rigged and home made, and not in a good way. Live wiring that was left open, an old brick chimney for a wood heater long gone, four fluorescent light fixtures hanging haphazardly (the previous owners worked on cars all the time), broken electrical outlets held up by one screw, a large shelf made out of left over wood that created a attic space over half the garage (that was filled up with broken storm windows, fiberglass insulation and mouse droppings), and a new garage door opener plugged in by extension cord. There was one outside light that was strangely controlled by two light switches with an old porcelain light socket between the switches, which I never could figure out. There were a dozen or so small shelves (most covered with grease) built between the wall studs, and literally hundreds of nails everywhere. It was a real mess.

The guys who bought the house from the bank to flip it put nothing but the cheapest light fixtures in, so over time we've replaced them with nicer ones, and I added one to the other side of the garage door as well.

This photo shows where I left off last fall (I ran out of warm weather to finish the garage last year). I had already cleaned up some of the mess, and then tucked the rest of the old wiring (and that old light socket) behind the plywood panel.

Here's the after shots, all the yellow wiring is the new stuff I did, and I used a bit of the existing stuff that was in good condition for the electrical outlet too.

I put the cheap bathroom light fixtures to good use in the garage as well.
Everyone that comes to the house asks about the freeway sign. I bought it back in the early 90's from a co-worker who had purchased it at an auction. I gave it to my dad as a father's day gift because he had spent thirty years working for the state of California Dept of Transportation building freeways. I thought it was one of my more inspired gifts to him, and after my mom passed away, I brought it back home with me. I smile every time I look at it.

Most of the work in this photo I did last fall, I also ran a new outlet to the wall off to the right of this photo for our freezer. Terry wishes I had taken a photo of the garage before I started renovating it, because she says how major the difference is. I'm really pleased with how well it turned out.

home improvements, part 2

2010-08-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

Our house's previous owners were very well know by the local police, in fact at one time the head of the house was numero uno on their most wanted list. Our neighbors have told us they don't miss them. The very first time we walked in this house I thought to myself "this door would have to go if Terry buys this place", and last month it finally happened. The reason I mentioned the previous owners was because it explains why it appeared the door had been kicked in or jimmied and then repaired at least once or more.
The best part about our new door was what we paid for it. The guy at Lowes mispriced when he ordered it. We paid $525 for it, then Terry got an email from Lowes a few days later giving us another discount on it, bringing the final cost down to $409 for it. When the guy called to tell me the door was in, he informed me about his error, and that Lowes was going to honor the lower price. He told me he should have charged us $1,051. What a deal...
We've added a matching storm door now as well.

My old neighbor and good friend Tim (who is a contractor with all the cool tools) helped me put in the door. Well more than helped, it would have taken me several days to try this myself, instead of the 6 hours it did take...

We hit a snag at one point, and couldn't get the door to fit past a built in buttress, and after sussing out some ideas, I said "how about I plane the wood down?" I was surprised that Tim didn't know what a planer was, but in this modern age of power tools I guess old fashion hand tools have faded away. This planer has been in my family for over a hundred years that I know of (I believe it may have been my great-grandfathers), and stills works great!

Ta-Da! The inside is off white with a nice colonial molding around the door.

home improvements, part 1

2010-08-14T00:00:00.000-07:00

It took 60 cubic yards of dirt (delivered in three loads and we could have used more), 6 hours of work with a John Deere tractor, five large dump trucks of debris removed, a 24 head backyard sprinkler system (and a homemade front yard system), and hydroseeding to get our 14,000 square foot lot looking good again. Oh, and I finished off the last 24 feet of the back fence myself after getting a ridiculously high bid from a fencing company. The yard had been neglected for over 3 years, and we suspect many more years before that. We had nicknamed it the savanna...

The picture below shows where the previous owners dumped all their trash in this back corner of the property because they didn't want to pay for pickup. Other neighbors have told us the mountain of garbage reached the top of the fence. When Terry bought the place most of it had been removed, but we still found old rotten timbers, large heavy metal poles, and general trash in the ground. The wood fence was unfinished for multiple reasons, and the owners of the property behind us use their backyard as a junk car yard. I'll write about them later.

AFTER!

redundancy and stuff...

2010-08-12T11:00:00.000-07:00

The weather was stagnate here in Spokane last week, and with the many fires burning in the region and Canada, we had had hot, orange skies for too long. So this last Sunday morning it was nice to wake up to the after effects of a little rain that has returned to us the clear sweet smelling blue skies that we are accustom to here in the inland northwest. And we had more rain and winds that have kept it clear since. I am ready for fall to arrive.

These past few weeks have also been busy ones, with finishing up the front and back yards, installing a new front door and outside lighting, and rewiring the garage. We took a weekend getaway to Nelson British Columbia in the middle of it all. Then two photo events, the first as the featured artist at a monthly wine tasting event, and the second at a juried art show. We also picked up a new family member, a little one year old dog we named Roxie. She's half Pekingese, half Border Terrier, and alot of fun. She has fit in well and gets along with our other dog Ack quite well.

It's hard to remember what I've mentioned here or on facebook anymore. I know I've posted a bunch of photos of the dogs and mentioned the photography events on FB , because I find it easier to do quick updates there rather than plan out blog posts here, but then when I do blog here it all seems a bit redundant. I think most the people that read here also know me on FB, and it seems like many bloggers are slowly shifting over as well.

So the end of this blog is neigh, and I have picked the date and subject of my last post.

But I am still here for now, and I have several posts that I've set up to automatically pop up for the next couple weeks. For anyone left still looking and reading here, enjoy.

558

2010-06-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

Damn, it's been over a month since I've posted, where does the time go? And I didn't even realise I left my last post untitled until a couple weeks ago, so I went back and just numbered it like this one. Lazy I guess... heh.

Actually no, I've been very busy lately and have lots to share with those who don't keep up with me on FB.

FINALLY finishing the back yard, although rain is forecasted on Friday when the hydroseeding is supposed to get done so we'll see...
We're also putting in a new front door that day.

I'll be back with some pictures and more info about what's been going on in my life soon.

Oh, and I'm quite jealous of Mr. XL right now. Some of you know why...

557

2010-05-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

Well I wrote a post before leaving on our trip to California but scrapped the whole thing. Just not feeling the whole blogging thing these days, I guess with so much else going on in my life, I have to let some things go. I still read blogs on my phone everyday when at work, because so much of the time it's so freaking boring...

We had a good trip down to Santa Barbara for Terry's parent's 50th anniversary. Finally met her two brothers, youngest sister, and mom. They did a family portrait as the big present to them, and it was decided that I should be included in it, which I thought was very nice. A couple of Terry's sisters asked her if she thought I'd still be around in three years, and that was the deciding factor I guess, ha! (I'll throw the photos up on my FB page for those who know me there) I also was able to see my sister for the first time in a year and a half, and she met Terry for the first time as well.

We're still trying to finish off the backyard, but the weather isn't cooperating at all. Lots of rain and cool temps, a trend I predict will carry through the summer.

Continuing the theme of my last post, it was sad to read of two more deaths. First a blogger (Rob aka Mutley) who died in his sleep, then I read on a friends FB page of a friend of hers that died of a massive heart attack not even a half hour after she had spoken with him on the phone. He was only 44, and Rob was 46. Both so young. It serves as a reminder to go out and do the most with everyday we get, because you just never know when you'll run out of them...

the day after

2010-05-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

One day after I wrote the post below about death and dying (among other things), my ex mother-in-law collapsed, and went into a coma after hitting her head on something as she fell. One surgery later, she never regained consciousness and died yesterday at 73.
She was never the stereotypical horrible MIL that jokes are famous for, in fact she was the opposite, and up until my wife's death we always got along well. I'm sure she couldn't understand or make sense of my changes after Kathy died, and I'm equally sure she never got over her daughters death either. It made me sad that our connection was lost these last few years of her life, and I'm sad now that my children have lost their last grandparent, the one they were closest to. She had been staying in contact with them through Facebook, and her last communication had been the morning of the day she fell. I hope that in whatever form we take when leaving this earth, she has found peace and happiness again. She was a good soul.

The reason I know all this is because the almost one year old silence between my son and his partner has lifted a little now because of my ex MIL's death. I tried to help the two of them get down to southern California to see her before she died, but sadly the plans fell through.
I say sadly because after hearing that when my son called his aunt, only to get an attitude of "why do you want to come down here anyway" and she wouldn't even tell him what hospital his grandmother was in, he finally got to see the side of D I have known for many years. I started to write a bit of a rant about her here but decided fuck it, it's in the past now and I really don't give a shit anymore. But I'm still sick of her selfish ways, and when she treats my family like that it bugs the hell out of me.

knocking again...

2010-04-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

Last week Terry had pains in her chest and radiating down her left arm. We both thought it was caused by work stress but because of her family history we went to the ER where they did the usual things to rule out heart attack. Her mom has six heart stents and Terry has lost relatives to stroke and heart attacks in the past. She was given a clean bill of health thankfully (although as I write this she is having a stress test follow up, just to be sure). She has talked with the powers that be at her workplace to get help in lightening her workload, and that is getting sorted now as well. She has felt overworked for quite a while now, and we recently found out that the two attorneys she works for are number two and three for new case files opened this year at the large law firm she is a legal assistant at, so she has good reason to feel that way.

Then to add to matters, her mom who is 75, had a bad fall this last Sunday and at one point the doctors thought she had broken a hip, but since then determined she fractured a leg. Then on Wednesday morning Terry's only remaining aunt (her mother's sister) passed away after a short battle with stomach cancer, and this morning one of Terry's sisters (who is a nurse) wrote her about their mom's condition. She said it seems like their mom is giving up.
All this comes as we've been preparing to go to California in two weeks for what was supposed to be a celebration of Terry's parents 50th anniversary. We're still going, but the plans have been called off. If her mom improves, she'll be moved to a nursing rehab center. I worry what will happen if she doesn't.

This has brought back all the memories of the past four years of course, of my mom, dad, and wife. I had always been comfortable in hospitals in the past, my wife worked in them for many years, so going there was a easy thing to do. But this last week, I felt a uneasiness I had never felt before, and by the time we left I felt sick to my stomach even. Guess that is to be expected.

And yesterday I had the thoughts I get once in a while, thinking about death and dying. One of those things about growing older I know, but also wondering how many years do I really have left? How many does Terry have left? In my life I've had a grandfather who lived to 96 and a best friend who died at 24. My wife was only given 46 years.

Time is short. And I feel like I'm wasting some of it these days, that I need to do more, before my time runs out. I read Gillette's post and remember how my wife had said she wanted to do something more with her life, leave a mark here on earth before she died. I have always said she did, but I know not in the way she was alluding to.

I'm working on that, with my photography as most my readers here know. I've sold around 300 photos online now. It makes me feel good to know people are seeing part of me out there, even though they don't know who I am. But I want more, I want more.

Before my time is up.

opinions (catching up)

2010-03-24T00:26:00.000-07:00

This post was inspired by my friend Gillette's post. Catching up is...ah, catching. Heh.

In my opinion health care reform has been long overdue. I just wish it wasn't going to take four years to fully implement it. Thank you Mr President for getting the job started. There is much I could say about this, but just don't have the time and two other bloggers said it well:
Deb (who no longer writes) wrote a while back I think it's disgusting that Americans don't have universal health care, that one of the wealthiest nations on earth treats it's own people like dirt. Thank you Deb, I couldn't say it any better.
And Maria wrote, in context with one of her posts, Never apologize. Unless you are a Republican. Then, yes, you need to say you are sorry. RIGHT NOW.
Heh, that made me laugh...

In my opinion spending a weekend at your first art fair is a good thing, even if you sell nothing. I learned SO much in 48 hours, and have all kinds of ideas for the next one I'm planning to attend in July (and another two in August). The computer art and paintings are from Terry's son who showed with me. This Friday I will have my first art gallery showing, and I'm looking into showing at three other local galleries in the near future as well. Fun stuff!

In my opinion, new car smell is not overrated, and although no ring has been purchased, buying a car together in both our names is a pretty solid commitment in my book. In case you're wondering, it's a Nissan Cube, and wicked fun to drive.

And also in my opinion, moving up to an HTC Android phone is a pain in the ass after finally getting used to my old Blackberry Storm. But the BB's just go way too slow on the internet compared to the droids, so upgrade I must. It may just take me another month or so to get use to it...

And a big What The Fuck for the flowers blooming and grass growing two full months early here. I almost bought turf builder and lawn seed today, but it's still March, I just refuse to...

I'll do it in April.

And probably write another post too. See you then.

sunday morning

2010-02-21T08:44:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here in my dad's old chair in our living room with the warm sun moving across me and then the floor. I like these kind of mornings, quiet, with coffee in hand, watching the morning news, working on my photos, or like today, catching up with other bloggers. Most the time now I read blogs at work on my phone, between customers, and then will post comments later from the laptop when I get a chance. Sad though, how it seems like the blog universe is contracting.
So many have stopped blogging now...

Hmm, I think I'm starting to ramble.

I don't have that much to say here anymore, what used to be my outlet for my thoughts is now regaled to just writing about daily life now and then. Boring stuff I would think, but maybe not.
I'm busy these days with work and life. Home improvement projects once in a while. I just finished sprucing up the bathroom, amazing what a difference a couple cans of spray paint, a new wall cabinet and shower curtain can make...

On the photography front, I registered my business name as a web domain and have started working on my website, but I have a ways to go before it will be polished (go here if you want to see the work in progress). Once completed, you'll be able to buy directly from it, or order a speciality print that I can have my media company print up and ship. I'm also in the process of printing and framing my best pieces to use in art shows later this year (and for my first gallery exhibit in April), and working on my "bio" sheet and business cards as well. All of this is being funded from the rental income I receive, so that I'm not having to finance the start up costs and then have the pressure of "I have to start selling lots of photos NOW to pay for all this". I'm hoping to work with a local artist and a wildlife photographer to share booth costs at some of the pricier art shows too. It's a exciting and interesting process to go through.

I have kept toying with the thought of just shutting this blog down for a while now (I even picked out a final banner picture of a total eclipse, get it?), but I guess I'll just leave it as is for now. I may post more updates now and then, or if something really hits me I'll write about it. But for now life is very good, and I'm busy living it. Thoughts of selling my photos, making coffee table size photography books, landscaping a backyard, and buying a ring occupy my mind these days.

I'll leave it at that...
And see ya around.

all about Palin...

2010-02-14T12:00:00.000-08:00

Warning: If you are a Republican, or love Miss Sarah, you may want to skip this post.

You have to go read these two post (here and here) that my blogging friend Maria posted.
Read all the comments too. She has stated better than I ever could my feelings about Sarah Palin. I still worry that someday she could be elected President, and if that day ever comes, this country would be in serious trouble. I like to think that we as a people would be smarter than that, but sadly I know it isn't the case anymore. There are many people out there that you'd tell them their ass is on fire, and they'd fall down trying to look at it.
I have a small rant that has been smoldering in my head that I will put down on (electronic) paper soon, but for now Maria's commentary will have to suffice.

psa: don't do this

2010-02-12T09:18:00.000-08:00

Just a heads up guys, it's not good to let your girlfriend of long standing find out that you mis-spelled her name on your cell phone the weekend Valentines Day falls on.

Hey it's an honest mistake, Terri instead of Terry, right? Just one letter off.
No, she didn't buy it either.
But then she couldn't remember my birthday last year either, as she pointed out.

Thankfully we're going away to a nice bed & breakfast this weekend, and I plan to make her forget all about my faux pas...

the power of positive thinking (changes, part 3)

2010-02-01T10:08:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how much our attitude can affect our lives, isn't it?

At the end of last September, the manager at my job decided to hire a third employee, a decision that made me and my co-worker Jason look at each other dubiously. We both felt there wasn't enough customer traffic to support three of us, especially since the company also expected the manager to sell as well (even though it did nothing to increase his commission). The manager told us he expected our store would soon be doing over 30k in monthly sales and wanted to be ready for that. To this date we haven't come close to that number, but I remember him looking me in the eye and promising me that I would make my numbers.

Well long story short, I didn't.
After having two great sales months and big commission checks, my sales were cut more than half, and I didn't make my minimum sales amount ($5,000 in sales per month) to get a quarterly raise either. And to make it even worse, the new guy he hired turned out to be a cocky 23 year old kid that boasted that he was going to be the top sales guy from now on and did anything to make a sale, including unethical selling, taking "ups" (turns with customers) out of order, and trying to steal sales from Jason and me.

I started October with the self fulfilling prophecy that I wouldn't make my numbers and by the end of the month it came true. I missed my sales quota by $500 that month and again in November by $50, while the manager did several thousand in sales himself. I considered quitting many times; I was so miserable and fed up.

And while I blamed it all on the new guy, I realize now it wasn't all him, but myself using him and his actions as an excuse. I wasn't standing up for myself, but just letting my expectations win out, and then saying "see, just what I thought would happen, is happening". Jason kept telling me I needed to snap out of it, as did Terry, but I continued to wallow. I tried going in each day with a positive attitude, but deep down I still didn't believe it, and as soon as something went wrong, my "see I told you, screwed again" came right back.

I was increasingly tired of coming home every day with a black cloud over me, complaining to Terry how shitty my day had been. Finally one day about halfway through December something in me snapped. The manager was complaining (again) about how he wasn't making enough sales and that he was going to start selling more, and I just blurted out “maybe you should make sure we’re making our numbers before you start selling”. And he finally got it, in fact now when the district manager comes by; he says his job is to make sure his employees are making their numbers.

I also started riding the new guy’s ass, calling him on all his questionable sales techniques, and holding him accountable for his actions. I went back into my old manager mode (I was in drug store management for 11 ½ years) and treated him like an employee. After pointing out some of his sales techniques, he was called on the carpet by the store manager and district manager. When he would take one of my ups, I’d make him pay it back, with a sale if necessary. When I saw him trying to take one of Jason’s sales, I stopped him cold, which also earned him another reprimand from the manager.

And starting this month, I went in with the new attitude that this cocky punk ass kid wasn’t any better at sales than I was, in fact I was the better salesman. And my goal this month was single fold: every day we worked together I would outsell him. He needed to be taken down a notch (actually Jason and I both made this our goal). And guess what? It worked, in fact he ended up third in sales for January.

What I found amusing was how the kid changed his tune as the month progressed.
The first week or so in he said:
Hey, you’re having a great month so far, keeping up with me even, but you’re not going to beat me.
Oh, how come? I said.
He replied: Because I have a competitive nature that won’t let me come in second, and so you won’t get ahead of me.
I didn’t say anything in response to that, except Hmmm, but in my head I called bullshit.

By the third week, he was telling everyone he just wants to make his $5000 and anything else is gravy.

Jason and I just smile when we hear that...

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Disclaimer: I want people to know he’s not that bad a kid, just young,full of himself, and needs a shot of integrity. In fact since he’s been put in his place, he’s become easier to live with. We don't have anything in common (he’s into hunting and a huge sports fan), but we find common ground where we can. I try to get along with everyone, but I will admit when he leaves later this year (he’s finishing up a degree in drafting and looking for jobs already); I’ll gladly hold the door for him as he heads out. But it might close just a little too quick and hit him in the ass…

Edit: I wrote this a week ago, but waited to post it till now to give the results of the month.
But another example of his attitude came out in a couple comments he made this last week. He told me he might not stay on till August if he can't make enough money to justify working here, and that making only $10 an hour isn't worth it to him (we actually make around $15 an hour or more, depending on commissions). And he added that he can't wait to start his drafting career where he'll make some real money, instead of wasting his time at our company.
Speaks volumes, doesn't it?

the burn (changes, part 2)

2010-01-28T10:42:00.000-08:00

Some of you may or may not know that after my wife died 3 years ago one of the changes I made to my life was joining a gym to lose weight. I lost 60 pounds in about 5-7 months total and the difference was amazing for me, health wise and looking in the mirror. I have since gained back about 25 pounds of that weight, due in part to moving away from the gym I belonged to and because of Terry's great cooking.
So last week I joined a local gym that is only two blocks from my house, and signed up with a personal trainer who is kicking my ass big time. Last Friday I had my first session and by Sunday I felt like a Mack truck had hit me...
Yesterday, my second session left me feeling somewhat the same, but to a lessor degree. I will be working out three days a week until I get this weight off, then I figure two days each week to maintain. This trainer believes in using your own body weight to create muscle mass that will in turn burn calories, very different from my past trainers who set me up on resistance equipment. So we'll see how this new approach works out, I can tell you that he's got me exercising a whole different set of muscles that haven't been worked in a very long time.

I've missed going to the gym, feeling the burn as they say. Once I get through the first month of reconditioning, it's going to be gravy, and I'll be enjoying watching those pounds come back off.
And the name of the place always makes me laugh: Oz Fitness. They have little kangaroo signs everywhere...

the older son (changes, part 1)

2010-01-24T23:35:00.000-08:00

Damn, I just looked back to reference a blog post and realised I wrote it almost a month ago. Where does the time go these days?
I wrote that we had some changes coming to our little house, and sure enough twenty days ago Terry's oldest son moved in with us to give him a chance to get back on his feet. He has worked in the restaurant business all his adult life (he's 26), but with the recent economic downturn and the high rents of southern California, he found himself unemployed and out of savings. Thankfully we had a spare room/office to put an inflatable bed in, and extra room in the storage unit for his stuff.
The Boy is enjoying having his older brother here now, and of course Terry is as well. And even though I get along fine with him, I have felt hesitant a few times, but I understand my feelings stem from the bad experience with my daughter and her boyfriend (who I had to throw out of my house because they weren't going to leave after 15 months). Older Son has been applying for jobs left and right (we live within a few miles of around three dozen restaurants), and has been very accommodating to us when The Boy has sleepovers, taking off to a local bar to give us "alone time" for a few hours. He also is a artist who works with pencil, watercolors, paint, and since I installed Photoshop in his laptop, has produced some truly incredible artwork with it as well. Terry is hoping he will be able to get back on his own in a few months, although I think it may take a little longer than that.

heartbreaking

2010-01-17T23:56:00.000-08:00

Elderly and abandoned, 84 Haitians await death.

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti (AP)– The old lady crawls in the dirt, wailing for her pills. The elderly man lies motionless as rats pick at his overflowing diaper.

There is no food, water or medicine for the 84 surviving residents of the Port-au-Prince Municipal Nursing Home, barely a mile (1 1/2 kilometers) from the airport where a massive international aid effort is taking shape.

"Help us, help us," 69-year-old Mari-Ange Levee begged Sunday, lying on the ground with a broken leg and ribs. A cluster of flies swarmed the open fracture in her skull.

One man had already died, and administrator Jean Emmanuel said more would follow soon unless water and food arrive immediately.

"I appeal to anybody to bring us anything, or others won't live until tonight," he said in the morning, motioning toward five men and women who were having trouble breathing, a sign that the end was near. Hours later, an elderly woman succumbed.

The dead man was Joseph Julien, a 70-year-old diabetic who was pulled from the partially collapsed building and passed away Thursday for lack of food.

His rotting body lies on a mattress, nearly indistinguishable from the living around him, so skinny and tired they seemed to be simply waiting for death.

With six residents killed in the quake, the institution now has 25 men and 60 women camped outside their former home. Some have a mattress in the dirt to lie on. Others don't.

Madeleine Dautriche, 75, said some of the residents had pooled their money to buy three packets of pasta, which the dozens of pensioners shared on Thursday, their last meal. Since there was no drinking water, some didn't touch the noodles because they were cooked in gutter water.

Dautriche noted that many residents wore diapers that hadn't been changed since the quake.

"The problem is, rats are coming to it," she said.

Though very little food aid had reached Haitians anywhere by Sunday, Emmanuel said the problem was made worse at the nursing home because it is located near Place de la Paix, an impoverished downtown neighborhood.

The hospice, known as "Hospice Municipal," is in the Delmas-2 neighborhood, near a rundown soccer stadium, stuck between the port and Bel-Air, traditionally one of Haiti's most violent and dangerous slums.

Thousands of homeless slum dwellers have pitched their makeshift tents on the nursing home's ground, in effect shielding the elderly patients from the outside world with a tense maze of angry people, themselves hungry and thirsty.

"I'm pleading for everyone to understand that there's a truce right now, the streets are free, so you can come through to help us," said Emmanuel, 27, one of the rare officials not to have fled the squalor and mayhem. He insisted that foreign aid workers wouldn't be in danger if they tried to cross through the crowd to reach the elderly group.

Violent scuffles erupted Saturday in the adjacent soccer stadium when U.S. helicopters dropped boxes of military rations and Gatorade. But none of this trickle of help had reached the nursing home residents, who said some refugees have robbed them of what little they had.

Dautriche, who was sitting on the ground because of her broken back, held out an empty blue plastic basin. "My underwear and my money were in there," she said, sobbing. "Children stole it right in front of me and I couldn't move."

The area was an eery corner of silence within the clamor of crying babies and toddlers running naked in the mud. Guarding the little space was Phileas Julien, 78, a blind man in a wheelchair who shouted at anybody approaching to turn back.

During moments of lucidity, Julien said he was better off than other pensioners because the medicine he was taking provided sustenance. A moment later, he threw his arms out to hug a passer-by he mistook for his grandson.

Also trying to guard the center was Jacqueline Thermiti, 71, who couldn't stand because of pain but who brandished her walking stick when children approached.

"Of all the wars and revolutions and hurricanes, this quake is the worst thing God has ever sent us," Thermiti said.

Initially, Thermiti and others believed their relatives would come to feed them, because many live in the slums nearby. "But I don't even know if my children are alive," she said.

Thermiti was surprisingly feisty for someone who hadn't eaten since Tuesday. She attributed that to experience with hunger during earlier hardships.

"But I was younger, and now there's no water either," she said.

She predicted that unlike other pensioners, she could still hold out for at least another day.

"Then if the foreigners don't come (with aid)," she said, "it will be up to baby Jesus."

One of the struggling residents had died by nightfall Sunday, when Associated Press journalists returned to the nursing home. Tsida-Edith Andre, about 90, had been too old and too weak to hold out through the afternoon heat, said Nixon Plantain, a hospice cleaner who was planning to spent the night there.

Next to him, Michele Lina, 22, was spoon-feeding boiled rice to her paralyzed grandfather in a wheelchair. Plantain said she was the first relative to have come with food. He helped Lina give out tiny mouthfuls to others.

That food, along with a carton of water bottles brought by an AP reporter, was the only aid the residents received Sunday, Plantain said.

The cleaner-turned-caretaker tried to pour a trickle of water into the mouth of Mesalia Joseph, one of a small group he said probably wouldn't make it through the night.

"Don't give me any," Joseph mumbled, saying she was too hungry to drink.

Curled in a fetal position, she seemed to have already given up.
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I read this today and it really effected me. The magnitude of what these people are going through is horrible. There are many ways to donate, Oxfam America is one, please help if you can.

oh boy,,,or girl i suppose...

2010-01-08T10:58:00.000-08:00

For a multitude of reasons I won't go into, I found myself getting up and venturing out into the great frozen north (18f) at 3:30 this morning to buy a pregnancy test.

False alarm, as we thought it most likely would be, but for a little while there, thoughts of diapers and baby bottles were swimming in our heads, as we looked at each other and said no fucking way, right?

That would have been interesting...

end of the year meme

2010-01-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

Stole this from Trueself, slightly modified. Terry was sick over New Years, and the boy got a better offer to sleep over at a friends, so I went to the symphony by myself. And you have to love Craigslist, the concert started at 7:30pm, I looked online to see if anyone wanted tickets to the sold out show at 5pm (when Terry decided she couldn't make it) , and sure enough, I was able to sell both of them to a couple who were very happy to get them for 70 bucks. Originally I had only paid $76 for all 3 tickets, so it was a win win for both them and myself.
[and I thought I'd scheduled this to post on the 2nd...oops!]

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
My first thought was this, but since I can't elaborate on it, I'll go with re-tiling part of a bathroom wall. Oh, and rewiring the garage. And rebuilding part of a roof. And designing and building a railing for our backyard deck. And replacing a door. Are you noticing a theme here?

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I've never made resolutions, and never will.

3. How ~~will you be spending~~ did you spend New Year's Eve?
I went to the Spokane symphony and then spent the rest of the evening watching movies with Terry at home. First show we watched in the new year was Soundstage on PBS, they had Tom Petty and Stevie Nicks in concert. Awesome show. Then we figured out Tom will be 60 and Stevie 62 this year. WTF? *sigh*

4. Did anyone close to you die? No. I did lose another aunt on my mother's side and only found out about it when I talked to my uncle in December. Turns out she died exactly one year later to the day that my mom did. Weird...

5. What countries did you visit?
Las Vegas. What? It's so surreal it could be it's own country, right?

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Framing and matting equipment. I've decided to try my hand at it to save money, and if I'm any good, then doing it for profit. I can get the basic stuff I need to start for around $500, minus materials. We'll see what happens...

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 25th, the day Terry moved into her new home, and we decided I should as well.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
My relationship with Terry.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I've pondered this for a while now, with no answer coming to mind. Next...

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really, I did have the first kidney stone attack in almost two years, the last one having occurred while living in Melbourne, and like that one I thankfully didn't end up in the hospital.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My Blackberry Storm.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Lowe's Home Improvement. I should own stock.

13. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I've Got A Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas.

14. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Taking pictures.

15. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Procrastinating.

16. What was your favorite TV program?
Hmmm, tough choice. Battlestar Galactica, which ended in the spring. But Survivor was so freakin fun to watch this fall, esp with that Russell mixing it up, then acting so wronged when he didn't win. Someone forgot to tell him it was a game...
And I have to put in a plug for Shatner's Raw Nerve on the Biography Channel. Who would have thought Captain Kirk/Denny Crane could be such an excellent interviewer?

17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't do hating, but dislike? Yeah, I have a few new ones this year...

18. What was the best book you read?
Books? What are those? Oh yeah, something you do with your free time...
Sad really, because I love to read and have a half dozen books I waiting for me...

19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I usually gauge my favorite artists by how many songs I like on one or more of their albums. Rarely do I find one where I like every single track (off the top of my head I can think of ABBA, Michelle Branch, and Sara Evans having had albums like that), but this year I found a new one. Lily Allen's The Fear.

20. What was your favorite film of this year?
Angels and Demons. Keeps you on the edge of your seat, at least for me it did.

21. What did you do on your birthday?
Went to The White House, our favorite Greek restaurant for dinner with friends.

22. What kept you sane?
Not what, Who. And I'm sure you know who.

23. Who did you miss?
My dad, every time I was using his tools around the two houses I was fixing up.

24. Who was the best new person you met?
My co-worker Jason.

25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
That just because you father children, and raise them the best you could, it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to have good relationships with them as adults. I've come to realize that many brothers and sisters, parents and children do not. My sister and mom were estranged to the end, a blogger wrote about having not talked to a brother for 8 years, Terry is only close to a couple of her sisters. Such is life, and I've learned to no longer feel like a failure for not being able to hold my family together.

sex, bean dip, and beethoven's 9th

2009-12-29T11:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was one of those days. We both came home saying how much we had wanted to quit our jobs. At one point during my shift my only thought was I want to go home, have a drink, and fuck Terry senseless. Sounding abit crass there? Maybe, but it has been a while for us, too long we both said, mostly because of the holidays and the boy being home on school break and staying up late. We have a lock on the door, but we both agree the sex is better when we don't have to worry about the noise, or the possibility of a knock on the bedroom door. She likes to scream when she cums, and I get a little loud myself at times (one night last summer we forgot and left the window open, the one that fronts on our busy street, where people are walking by at times, and we heard comments from outside...). So last night when he FINALLY was invited to a sleep over, the look of relief on both our faces was huge... and that same look was there again later that night as well...

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One of Terry's family traditions on Christmas is to make snacks in the middle of the day, instead of having lunch. This year we had little smokies (plain and as pigs in a blanket made by Terry's older son), shrimp, veggies and dip, sweet pickles and olives, and Terry asked me to make my family's famous bean dip.
This bean dip recipe was given to my wife Kathy a few years before we were married (from Linda, a nurse she worked with) and has been made many times over the years. One of my favorite stories about the bean dip was the year she made it for my family's Thanksgiving Day dinner. The dinner was always held at my parents or uncles home (which ironically was within view of Kathy's home), and this year we were at my uncle's. The bean dip was so popular (even with my cousins) that nobody was hungry by the time the turkey was done, and my aunt was visibly upset about it and she never really warmed up to my future wife after that...
Through the years there were many times we'd have friends show up at our place when they heard the bean dip was being made, and it became my wife's signature dish (well that and the apple crisp she would make for me on special occasions).
This was only the fourth time I'd made it since Kathy died, but it turned out the best yet!
So as a belated Christmas gift to my friends that read here, I present the recipe. Enjoy!

Bean Dip

1 large can of refried beans
1 8 ounce package of cream cheese
8 ounces of sour cream
1 onion, finely chopped
1/2 package of taco seasoning
Tabasco sauce to taste (1-2 capfuls)

Mix all ingredients with a large spoon until fully blended.

Top with 1 pound of grated jack and cheddar cheese (1/2 pound of each)

Cover with foil in a 8 1/2 by 11 inch glass dish for 30 minutes at 350 degrees or until cheese is fully melted.

Serve with lots of tortilla chips.

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For New Years Eve, we'll be attending a symphony performance of Beethoven's 9th at the Martin Woldson Theater in Spokane. Terry loves the symphony and the boy and I have never gone, so it should be a treat.

I wrote a few posts back about the pending end of this blog, originally I'd planned to end it on the 3rd anniversary of this blog, then thought the end of the year, but it seems I still have some posts left in me. There are some changes coming to our little house soon and I'll write about that next year...

But for now, I'll leave you with wishes for a very happy and prosperous New Year. Cheers!

dream

2009-12-23T05:45:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning from a dream and cried. I was at some quasi like church (because everyone was sitting in white pews), and there was a game show going on of some sort. The master of ceremonies was interviewing potential players, all older elderly women with cute funny things to say it seemed, and one was sitting next to me, and I offered to hold her donut while she talked to the game show host. I remember looking at the donut, it was exactly half eaten, and blueberry frosted with sprinkles.
Then I looked back over my right shoulder and there was my mother, laying down on a pew in another room by herself, looking as she did just before she died, frail, thin, bony. She was shaking, covered in one of her super thin blankets she preferred to use and I went to her, and held her. She was crying as she told me how sorry she was for everything she had done to me (odd as I don't know what that could be, she was a good mom), and I started crying too, telling her she hadn't done anything wrong. She was still shaking, in pain, dying again in front of me. I picked her up and carried her outside, where the sun was shining and it was a beautiful warm summer day. I remember pine trees, blue skies, and a lake along a long wide paved path. Then I bought her back to the room and laid her back down on the pew, and watched her moaning and writhing in her death throes. And then I woke up.
I know why I had this dream today, because even though I hadn't consciously thought about it for a couple days, my subconscious knew. Today would have been her birthday.
Happy birthday mom, I miss you and still love you.

3 years and merry christmas

2009-12-22T09:35:00.000-08:00

Three years ago I started out this little adventure. I look back now at 538 posts and tens of thousands of page visits and find it a bit hard to believe so many people stopped by to read what I've written. I find it hard to believe I've written so much. I was planning on ending this blog today, I've had the final post written for a few weeks now, but I'm not quite ready yet, I have a couple more posts to tap out before riding off into the sunset...

So for now, a recap and a song for the holidaze...

Tomorrow is Terry's birthday, nothing big planned, just a nice dinner out and a friend or two tagging along. She's not big on celebrating (I think we all feel that way the older we get, right?)

We'll be cleaning the house during the day tomorrow as well, in preparation for the arrival of her two oldest children who are flying in from California on Christmas Eve. Her son is having some issues, not unlike my daughter's BF, who left me an interesting voice mail last month, and well, that's one of the topics I'm going to write about before I sign off here. Funny, as my first real post was about my daughter and her BF three years ago.

As I write this, it is snowing outside, just flurries, but hopefully it won't melt before Christmas. I've always joked about how any year that we have a green Christmas up here in the "snow country" I demand a refund... I'm sitting in our "office room" in my dad's old easy chair (don't smirk SG) watching several squirrels scamper around on our deck and the back yard as well. Terry's dog as been given the Indian name Dances With Squirrels because he loves to chase them around.

Just a couple more days of work, a very little bit of shopping to do, and two more presents to wrap. Life is good this Christmas. There could be things that would make it even nicer, but unfortunately they are beyond my control to change, and that is what it is...their loss, sadly.

It's time for me to go sell some cell phones (or babysit a store, depending on the customer flow).

I want to wish all my friends here a very Merry Christmas (or Happy Christmas to my UK and Aussie friends) and the best for a healthy and happy New Year. A special shout out to XL who is spending Christmas down under, and making me jealous as well ;)

I leave you with a warped Christmas song from my favorite movie, Love Actually.

fate

2009-12-14T08:45:00.000-08:00

(yet another post that's been sitting in my vault from a few months back...)

Maria wrote a post a couple months back about the road not taken, and the great "what if", and as always with this subject it got me thinking...

We all have those roads we personally travel, making our own choices and decisions that shape our lives. But what about the the choices made and roads taken before we're born? We all owe our lives to people we haven't met and events that happened long before we were here.
Some we know about, and others we never will.
There are three stories my parents told me about that had they not happened, I would not be here now.

The first one was about how one of my mother's brothers (she had five) invited a new neighbor of his who was single at the time to a family get together at his house, to meet my mom who was single herself at this point. You can guess where I'm going here. Thanks Uncle Weston...
And it's funny how life works with chance (or in this case, arranged) meetings. My mom grew up in Newport Beach, California, and my dad spent part of his life doing the same, and they had told me a few times about how she worked in the local five and dime as a teenager, and my dad remembers going in there many time for purchases. They both said they had no doubts that they met back then, but never remembered it.

The second story was about the dermatologist my mom went to in the fifties to have a malignant skin melanoma removed from her knee. Back then the common course of treatment was to burn them off, like a friend of my mothers did who then ended up dying six months later because the treatment caused it to spread. But my mom's doctor went against the medical current and cut the mole out, leaving her with a large scar on her knee, but saved her life. She put flowers on that doctors grave after he passed away ever year for as long as she was able to, she was so thankful. Thanks Doc...

The last person was President Harry S. Truman, because had he not dropped the atomic bombs on Japan that ended the war, my dad had been scheduled to be in the first wave of what was called Operation Olympic, which would have been the mainland invasion of Japan. My dad's "job" was going to be to drive onshore in a jeep to "see what was there" as dad told the story. I read once that the predicted average lifespan of those first invasion soldiers was put at 1.7 seconds. Thanks Harry.

What stories of fate do you have in your past?

trumping the bed

2009-12-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

(yet another post that's been sitting here for a while unfinished...)

Many years back I was put up in the W Hotel in downtown Seattle for a work conference (nothing like working for a multi billion dollar company with money to burn...), and I slept in the most comfortable bed I'd ever experienced to that point in my life. You felt like you melted into the mattress and were consumed by the bedding and down comforter. And the robes the hotel had hanging in the bathroom were unlike any I'd ever worn. The whole experience was incredible.

In the years since I've compared all other beds to that one, and while some have come close, none reached the same level of the W bed. Until I stayed at the Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas this last summer. It was nirvana on a mattress all over again. And it was the nicest bed Terry said she'd ever slept in, and it began a quest for us to recreate that bed.

Before we left the hotel we inspected the bed to see how it was set up, and checked the manufacturer tags of each component. We purchased a similar queen pillow top mattress set, and over the summer added a down alternative mattress cover, then a real down pillow top on top of that, 400 count Egyptian cotton sheets, down pillows, and this fall the last piece, a down comforter.

There are some days just thinking about coming home to sleep on that bed keeps me going. At least every other night one of us makes a comment about how much we love sleeping in it. And best of all it's ours.

more art and a night shot

2009-12-01T09:36:00.000-08:00

Back in August I said I'd share some more of my artwork once I framed it. I was a bit busy for a while, but finally finished the last piece a few weeks back. This first one is a Aboriginal painting I picked up on my first trip to Australia back in May of 2007 (hard to believe it's been that long now...). The artist is Margaret Scobie, and I liked her work from the first time I saw it. I had this stretched over a frame and wired so I can hang it any direction I please, although I believe this is the way Margaret intended it to be hung.

This piece was given to me as a gift in appreciation for some "pro bono" photography work I did (I didn't have a work visa while living in Oz), by the non profit company that Kimba worked for at the time. It took me a while to figure out how I wanted to frame it, but now it's already one of my favorite pieces and the wall it hangs on compliments it well I think.

I picked this piece up in Jerome, Arizona at an artist co-op gallery during my trip around the states last year. It is a gelee print of a photograph of white aspens and my photo of it here doesn't do it justice, you really have to see it up close to appreciate it. I picked up several other pieces on this trip that I still haven't framed yet, and also one more from my trip from Australia.

This last piece is a framing web site's re-creation of my real framed photo. I tried several ways to photograph it and none of them turned out well due to the size and placement of it (4 feet wide and hanging in the living room with way to many light sources causing problems). Please imagine it with a wider and slightly darker frame, and you'll get the idea. It is one of my favorite pictures from Australia of Uluru, and in getting the print made I found my connection to the local artist community/galleries and new photo club that I'm getting more involved with now.

Which brings me to this photo I'm working on right now (hence the watermarks on this one). My camera club went out last Sunday night with a local photographer and we did some night shooting of this artwork entitled "Light Reading".
It was challenging to shoot due to the extreme brightness of the blue neon lights in the sculpture. I did bracketing shots (seven photos spaced one f-stop apart), and then merged them in this trial version software, so I can compare it to the results using Photoshop later on.
The advantage I see so far is the ease of merging and processing the shots. This software would also make HDR photos easier to process, which is something I'm still experimenting with as well.
Oh and the part that makes me chuckle is that Photomatix has two programs within it for combining shots, and the one I found that worked best for this photo is called...Fusion.

your ad on craugskust

2009-11-23T00:05:00.000-08:00

One year ago yesterday I received an email with that exact subject line. Later, the writer was quite embarrassed about the mis-spelling (owing it to the change of computer colors by an 11 year old and nervousness), but I just laughed when I read it and being a self proclaimed shit speller, it made me feel more at ease as we exchanged a quick flurry of electronic letters, which lead to a meeting at a Starbucks one year ago today, the same one that now happens to be the closest to our home.
Where has that year gone? While we took our time getting to know each other at first, by the end of April when Terry and her son moved into their new house, I did as well. We haven't looked back since, and even though we don't have any plans to get married in the immediate future, when I decided a couple months ago to take a small loan out against my house to pay for a new roof on hers, she asked me jokingly if I was sure I wanted to do it, knowing what it meant.
We both laughed when I said it was almost more binding than a ring...
Will we someday? I don't know, maybe. Maybe not. We have both talked about how as we get older, the piece of paper just isn't as important.
What is important is that we have found a level of love and trust with each other that neither of us has ever experienced in our lives before, and we know how rare that can be in this world.
And we still laugh about that first reply on craugskust.
Happy Anniversary Babe.

catholicism and condoms

2009-11-17T11:06:00.000-08:00

This has been sitting in my "topics to blog about" file since reading about it last March, and in light of my last post I thought it would be a good follow up...

March 17, 2009 - YAOUNDE (Reuters) – Pope Benedict on Tuesday reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's opposition to the use of condoms in the fight against AIDS as he started a visit to Africa, where more than 25 million people have died from the disease in recent decades.
"It (AIDS) cannot be overcome by the distribution of condoms. On the contrary, they increase the problem," he said in response to a question about the Church's widely contested position against the use of condoms. The disease has killed more than 25 million people since the early 1980s, mostly in sub-Saharan Africa, and some 22.5 million Africans are living with HIV. His words were some of his most explicit on the use of condoms to stop the spread of AIDS since his election in 2005.
The Church teaches that fidelity within heterosexual marriage, chastity and abstinence are the best ways to stop AIDS. It does not approve condoms but some Church leaders have been calling for allowing their use in rare cases between married heterosexual couples where one partner has the disease.
"The only solution is two-fold: the first is a humanization of sexuality, a human, spiritual renewal which brings with it a new way of behaving among people and, secondly, a true friendship, especially for those who are suffering, a willingness to make personal sacrifices," he said. He called for "correct behavior regarding one's body."
With the number of practicing Catholics dwindling in the developed world, Africa is seen as vital to the Church's future. But the relationship is not without controversy, mainly over the condoms issue.

There is an interesting commentary on this here that talks about the fact that condom use in Africa has not helped curb the spread of AIDS, and that possibly monogamist coupling does indeed work better. I'm no expert on this subject or on the Catholic church, but what I wanted to point out here is what kind of message is the church delivering to the rest of the world here, especially for those who simply read this article without researching more information about the situation in Africa. I can see some non-believers saying hey, the Pope says we shouldn't be using condoms, so what's the big deal? I understand what the church is trying to promote in making this statement, but in the reality of this world it seems to me that all they're really doing is possibly aiding in the spread of STD's.

I have the hardest time with the phrase increase the problem. I know the church does not believe in sex outside of marriage, and that condom use may promote that in some ways, but how can anyone believe that practicing safe sex adds to the spread of STDs? Yes, I know condoms fail in some instances, but verses constant unprotected sex?

The other phrase I have trouble with is humanization of sexuality to basically promote abstinence. That statement doesn't make much sense to me, and abstinence hasn't worked very well through the ages either.

It seems to me that the Roman Catholic church is further distancing itself from the rest of the world with these stands, and until they change some of their staunch beliefs and rules, they will continue to lose credibility in the eyes of the this world, and alienate some of their followers as well. But if they make those changes and go against thousands of years of doctrine will they lose even more of their congregation? It appears the church is stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place, and how (or if) they're going to work through this issue will be interesting to watch.

medical rant

2009-11-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

Last week I saw an advertisement on TV for Latisse, a prescription drug to make womens eyelashes grow longer.

What the fuck is going on here?*

How about a cure for AIDS, Parkinson's, diabetes, or any one of the many cancers out there? Just pick one, any of them, to start with.

But no, you cure those and the pharmaceuticals will lose money because the disease will be gone.
No money to be made there.
It's interesting to me how AIDS no longer seems to kill people as quickly as it used too.
But the people who live with HIV have a huge list of expensive medications they must take to stay alive. The cynic in me can't help but believe the cure has already been found, but is being kept locked away where no one will know, so the fat cat drug companies can keep getting fatter off the treatment costs.
I also have heard that great changes are coming for the people with diabetes too, with drugs that you'll take only once a week, or even once a month to maintain your blood sugar levels. But the talk of a cure is still a long ways off according the the researchers...

But hey, in the mean time we can make your lashes grow longer and fuller, guys can get erections anytime they want, and I'll bet soon I'll even be able to grow a full head of hair again...

*read the first comment from Deb for an answer I didn't know about.

of leaves, windows, old age, and prison

2009-11-06T15:42:00.000-08:00

The ticking leaf bomb exploded two weekends ago. It looked like this.

Notice how many leaves were still on the tree at this point as well...
I just finished filling the last of thirty five 39 gallon trash bags yesterday. We used a dozen of them to create The Walkway Of Doom for Halloween.
Next year I'm hiring someone else to clean them up...

Today I have spent painting the half bath and installing windows 7 on my newer laptop. Install went well, no problems so far. We'll see how it works when I start editing my photos. Oh, and I joined a camera club last night that meets at Ink To Media, the business I'm going to start working with to get my photography out in the local galleries. I'm getting excited about that, and the camera club has some great activities planned as well.

Terry's best friend Becky has a mother who is in ailing health. The woman is only 73, but is in worse shape than my mom was at 83 when she passed away. I find it so sad how some people lose their quality of life at such an early age (well considering my grandfather made it to 96, dad 88, and mom 83, it's early). Becky's mom suffers from dementia, and is so frail she falls quite often, and today I had to run over to Becky's house to help get her up because Hanna, Becky's daughter couldn't lift her. In the past Becky's husband (I'll call him Steve here) has been there to take care of her most the time, but now he's in jail, serving seven to nine months for a white collar crime he was convicted of in October. Terry and I told Becky we'll be on call to help until Steve gets out next year.

One thing that I've always been afraid of is the thought of going to jail. I would not do well there, I know that. Already Steve has told Becky about how his cell mate got the shit beat out of him because he didn't share enough food (that was sent to him) with another prisoner, and how he's made friends with a big burly black guy who has become his protector. Steve, who is 62, is a really great guy, always willing to help out at a moments notice, an incredible cook, and I've enjoyed getting to know him this year. He and Becky helped us with moving both houses, and picking out the new carpet for my house (he used to sell flooring). We plan to visit him once he is transferred back over to eastern Washington in a few months. That will be a new experience for me...

paying it forward...

2009-11-02T08:22:00.000-08:00

Last night I turned the keys and garage door openers over to a family that has leased my house for a year. I can't quite say how it made me feel, my old neighbor Tim, Terry, and even the couple who is renting said it must feel a little strange, and it does. But it's also a relief to finally have it rented.
The couple is very nice, with longtime steady jobs and good references. They appreciated my willingness to rent to them even though they just finished going through a bankruptcy due to huge medical bills accrued when their 8 year old son was gravely ill. They told me they have to be out of their home they had built themselves 5 years ago by the end of the month and were having trouble finding a place to live. I told them I had been through a bankruptcy myself and knew how some people treated my wife and I back then. I related the story about how when we were trying to buy a house 12 years ago, we kept getting dismissed (sometimes rudely) by the real estate agents and salespeople when we'd explain what happened. It wasn't until we met Bill who was selling the homes in our tract that we found a sympathetic ear. Because Bill had gone through a bankruptcy himself a few years before, and he was the first person to say hey, just because you filed bankruptcy doesn't mean you're a bad risk, lets talk. And thanks to him we got our house.
So I feel really good about helping this couple get back on their feet, as they put it, and they promised me they'll take really good care of my little house too.
I believe them.

buzz

2009-10-27T08:40:00.000-07:00

Cue last weekend:

Friday: no batteries needed.

Saturday: dead. Leave nice warm room for colder parts of the house, grumbling.
Pull two from the cable remote in living room, two more from the cordless mouse in the office.
Ah, much better.

Sunday: loading groceries into car the next morning (including new batteries just purchased). She says just the thought of buying the new ones has turned her on again...

The boy is already on his way home from his sleep over. Damn.

silence!, i kill you....

2009-10-16T02:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, I could swear I've mentioned Jeff Dunham on here before but my search turned up nada, so here he is. This Ventriloquist is the funniest man out there today IMO. He has put me, Terry, and the boy on the floor laughing more times than I can remember. Last night he had Terry in tears, and I couldn't swallow my coffee for the last minute of the show shown in the first clip. Jeff is very talented, and very un-politically correct as well, making fun of rednecks, gays, and terrorism just to name a few. My favorite character of his is Achmed the dead terrorist, and his famous line that I used for the title of this post is repeated often around our household. He has several DVDs out and a weekly show starting next Thursday on Comedy Central. Check him out, and don't try to drink anything while you do...

I was just checking out his schedule for the next few months, he's going to be in my area in mid November so we might try to see him then, and I also noticed he is going to be in Sydney and Melbourne around the first of November if any of my Australian readers are interested...

on my mind

2009-10-06T09:21:00.000-07:00

I'm so busy these days, I feel guilty spending time reading the bloglines, or writing this even. I still do it though. But once again I find myself thinking of stopping (roll eyes) even though I know I won't. I was reading some of my old posts last night and came across the one where I first said I was going to stop (Dec 31st, 2007), now I have vowed to never say I'm going to again.

I go through reading other's posts and get ideas for my own, but by the time I get around to writing it, meh, I lose interest, or have other thoughts enter my head. I have a half dozen partial posts written, that I keep dragging to the top of my edit posts list... One or two will see the light of day soon.

My house is back on the market, turns out the Chinese man wanted to rent it not for himself, but for the cooks and wait staff of his new restaurant. I told him no thanks. The other things that bothered me were how he and his daughter would talk to each other in their native language when I'd ask them questions (I think that is rude, and she was a bit rude herself in how she talked to me), and the fact they asked no fewer than five times in two visits that the washer and dryer were included... I'm thinking they planned to use them to wash the restaurant's linens everyday... So now hopefully I'll find a nice family that actually wants to live there, and if not I may just put it on the market and sell it next year.

But now that I'm finished with my house, I'm been busy with Terry's, I just spent yesterday putting up railing on the back deck (the insurance company required it), and last week had five and a half tons of gravel delivered to fill up a space along side of the single car driveway where a carport will be installed next month. Surprisingly it wasn't that hard to spread the gravel out...
Next I have to clean out and remove a bunch of old shit in the garage from previous owners/renters in preparation to have an old wood stove chimney removed. We're having a new roof installed in ten days, and they're going to tear down the brick chimney to the roof line, and then I'll take out the rest of it inside the garage. Should be a blast I'm sure, esp with the amount of soot that's already fallen out if it...

I'm also looking forward (not) to the two huge maple trees in the front yard to shed their leaves, with lows in the mid 20's later this week it won't be long. I think of them as ticking leaf bombs...

I'm a bit discouraged with my job right now. Last month I had stellar sales, and will have a commission check that will pay for over a third of the roofing job, but now the manager hired a fourth employee that I and my co-worker both agree was premature. We just don't have enough business yet to support it, and Saturday the manager was fretting all day about having four guys sitting around with no customers most of the time (and asking if we wanted to go home early). I'm seriously wondering if I'll make my minimum sales quota this month, it's that bad so far. And I imagine the district manager is going to be looking at the numbers and wondering why our manager hired the new guy...

Well this isn't what I had planned to write about today, but oh well. Maybe I'll go finish one of those other posts. Just as soon as I finish some laundry and dishes before heading to work.

Hope everyone is having a nice fall, or spring in the case of my Aussie friends.

Oh and my friend Gillette put this on her blog, and I have to share it too. She dared her readers not to smile when they watched it, such a sucker bet... I would love to participate in one of these group dances some day. Enjoy.

karma and my muse

2009-09-23T23:14:00.000-07:00

We didn't see the show last night. We got there at 6:30, about 30 minutes early and there were no seats. Well technically there were, but they were barstools along the railing upstairs. Maybe about 36 total. Oh, and it was a sold out concert in a very crowded room. Sigh. Due to a bad back and diabetes, Terry cannot stand for more than a half hour or so without feeling like she's going to faint. So we left before the show started. I was pretty bummed for a while, and Terry felt terrible, even though it wasn't her fault. No where on the ticket seller's nor the club's websites did it mention it was a standing room only concert. We went back home, and I wrote a online letter to the club and several "reviews" on other entertainment websites complaining about what had happened. I figured THAT would teach them... Today a co-worker of Terrys who was there told her Colbie didn't even start her set until 9pm.

So anyway, today I was sitting around for 3 hours at an auto shop while ~~major repairs~~ some preventive maintenance was being done to Terry's car when I received this email (sometimes I really love my Blackberry):

Hi John,
Sorry for the inconvenience last night and that you opted to leave. We
do have seating for up to 325 people typically, although on sold out
shows we are mandated by the Spokane Fire Marshall to pull all furniture
to meet fire capacity. This doesn't mean that people with certain
conditions and ADA requirements that we are not allowed to get a chair for
someone in need.

Any chance you asked our event staff for a chair and explained the need
for a chair? I only ask not to point fingers, more so to know if my
staff followed protocol.

You make a good point about our website not indicating that sold out
events are standing room only. I have forwarded the request to the
company VP to have that included on our website. Please look at our
website for any upcoming show that you may want to see and I'd like to
put you in our VIP lounge and buy you dinner and a round of drinks.

Best Regards,
Matt *****
General Manager/ Knitting Factory Spokane

Well THAT showed me...

Then right after that I received a phone call from a nice Chinese man who is opening a new restaurant in my old town and that I showed my house to a week ago. Yep, it's rented now. YES!
He owns two other Chinese restaurants in the area, and I wish I could share his name with you, it's interesting...

A little while later I find a twenty dollar bill on the ground. No owner around...Hmmm...

After the car was finished I headed over to the eyeglasses place that sold me a pair of inferior glasses a while back, and instead of having to argue my case for a return, the young manager working there gave me a full refund with no hassle. Made me blink twice...

Then after stopping to pick out custom frames for two more of my artwork pieces (a copy of an Aboriginal etching and a gelee'd photo of aspens in a forest), I was directed to a business that makes large prints of artwork (or in my case, photos) that also happens to be the largest art gallery in the area. The moment I stepped into this gallery I had a feeling I can't really describe, Terry later said it sounded like I was giddy. All I know is I want more of it, I spent the better part of an hour and a half with the owner, talking about different ways of printing, showing, and selling my work. He invited me to come back anytime with my laptop and talk with him and some of the other artists that help out in the gallery. I looked at all of the artwork there, and found myself wanting to be apart of the whole process more than ever. The owner and several other people there told me how much they like the photo I bought in to be enlarged. It's one of my favorite photos, and have not sold it online yet, because it's better than my standard microstock work. So far only Kimba has a copy of it, but soon there will be a large framed shot of "Flowing Rock" hanging above our couch.

And even though I'm happy to sell wireless phones these days(and excelling at it even), it doesn't do anything for me, except pay the bills.
I've felt like I've given up on my photography this year, even though I'm still selling my prints online.
But until I walked into that gallery this afternoon, I had forgotten how much it really feeds my soul and makes me feel alive. And how much I want to share it with others...

musical duet

2009-09-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

We're headed off to see Colbie and Howie at the Knitting Factory in downtown Spokane tonight. The tickets were only $24 apiece, and considering how popular Miss Caillat is becoming, I imagine she won't be playing the smaller venues at this price for much longer. Terry likes her music, and so do I, but I like Howie Day even more, so when we hear they were coming here together, it was a no brainer...

half pipe dreams

2009-09-18T23:20:00.000-07:00

The boy is into skateboarding.

I've learned alot about it this year: ollies, nollies, pop shoveits, grinding, kick flips, heel flips.
Wheels, trucks, and decks.
Zoo York, Enjoi, Plan B boards.

Bam Margera, Ryan Sheckler, Rob Dyrdek.

He turned 12 a few weeks ago, and a big part of his present was a half pipe. He asked me this spring if I could build one for him, and I said if he helped me, we'd do it together. Well, with working on my house and Terry's place, I didn't end up with much time to work on one, but we found a used one nearby that we bought and fixed up, finishing it a few days ago. It turned out pretty cool, at least according to him and his friends.

And check this out. Ryan does some crazy ass jumps, esp about 1:16 in...

done

2009-09-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

After many weeks of using days off, and time before or after work, my house is up on the rental market. The original blue carpet that came with the house 12 years ago has been replaced and every room, including ones I had never painted before all have fresh paint now. Funny how I looked forward to putting in that new carpet for years, and now that I have, I don't live there anymore... I'm really pleased with how well the house turned out, and I plan to be very careful about who I rent to, with background checks and credit reports to vet potential renters. And the neighborhood is changing as well, with two houses across the street from mine up for sale now. The owner of one of them has lived there as long as I did, and it just seems to confirm for me it was time to move on as well.
So if anyone fancies moving to the beautiful Coeur d' Alene area of north Idaho, I have a nice place already to rent...

Oh, and now I can get back to that honey do list at our place...sigh...

46

2009-09-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

Kathy

January 21, 1960 - September 5, 2006

I hope you have found the happiness that eluded you in life.

ahem...

2009-08-31T10:15:00.000-07:00

After a busy Friday with five 12 years at a bowling party (The Boy turned 12), and then a hectic day at work Saturday, and between it all coordinating the carpet install for my house without being there, it was very nice to have a Saturday night and Sunday to ourselves when The Boy stayed over at a friends place.
Terry is a great cook, sings incredibly (have I mentioned she has sung opera professionally in the past?), is oh so cute, and we had a lovely day out enjoying ourselves. Even found a new coffee shop in town that sells our favorite blend.
But the highlight of my day came before we got out of bed Sunday morning. I have promised her non-disclosure blog wise about our sex life in the past, but she has "authorized" me to say this (knowing how much I would want to blog about it):

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

One day later and I still have a smile on my face...

broken home (moving out)

2009-08-24T09:12:00.000-07:00

Note: I wrote this piece last week, and having dwelled on it for a while, I'm worried the reader will think I'm feeling down, which couldn't be further from the truth. I am quite happy these days, more than I've been in years. Life is good again, and this is simply me reflecting on one part of that life.

A couple of weeks ago I was going through some boxes of stuff in my garage, in preparation for moving it into storage, the trash can, or Terry's place (I'm slowly beginning to call it our place now), and my long time neighbor from across the street came over to talk. He and his wife have been sad watching me move out, and at one point in our conversation he nodded his head toward the house and stated You really don't miss this, do you. And I answer no, I don't. There was a moment of awkward silence before we moved on to talk about other things.

Looking back on that bit, I wonder what exactly did he mean? Should I be missing it? How can I not miss it with all the memories? I've now owned this house for a little over 12 years, and of course there are many memories associated with it, good and bad. As I've been moving my stuff out, painting, repairing, and cleaning, the memories come back. My kids grew up in this house, but now I am estranged from both of them, with just minimal contact from my daughter. My wife and I bought this house together, and now she's gone. The animals are all gone.

When I finally moved back in last November, this house felt like a empty shell that I tried to fill with new things to make it feel different for me, and while I was comfortable enough, I was fooling myself into thinking I could still live here, because the memories of times past would fill my head every time I walked through the rooms. Memories that reminded me of sad times mostly. The place I stood, taking the picture of my son and wife's bittersweet reunion after he graduated from university, a few days after her brain surgery, and how I could barely see through the camera the photo I was trying to take. The places she fell as she got worse, the corner of the living room where she breathed her last breath from her hospice bed.
Here and there are the patched walls from the gouges and holes that my daughter and her BF put in the walls, and in the garage the blackened concrete floor from the ashes of his chain smoking. Outside the ruined grass that only now is starting to grow back from where they parked their broken down cars. And then I think about the day I had to throw them out of my house because they wouldn't leave, even after giving them 15 months of rent free living to help them get on their feet (they didn't save a penny). And how badly they treated the dog and cat.

There are good memories too, the 18th birthday party we threw for my son, the week spent landscaping the backyard ourselves. The four kittens born on Father's day in 2000, from a cat that the shelter told us was a fixed male. The summer my daughter and her two best friends lived in our garage, forth of July celebrations, watching the snow fall, and Christmases past, just to name a few.

But I think I knew a long time ago I wouldn't stay here long (even if I publicly said otherwise), and had I not met Terry, I would have sold this place by now (or be in the process of it), and moved to Arizona. I may still sell it down the road, if landlording turns out to be a pain in the ass. It's funny in a way because at one time I thought I would never move again, that this was The home, the place I'd spend the rest of my years. Naive? Eh, maybe... Who knew back then what the future would bring, and that's a lesson for all of us, right?

But in the end, it's not my home anymore. I feel like when my wife died, the home died with it, and it became just a house, a place to eat, sleep and keep dry in. The family that lived in it is broken now, and I don't know how, or if it can be fixed. I hope so, but it may take awhile.

But I do know it's time for some other people to make this house into a home again.

I've moved on.

one year/three years

2009-08-18T00:07:00.000-07:00

Mom - Dec 23, 1924 - August 18, 2008 / Dad - June 4, 1918 - Sept 23, 2006

I took this photo of my parents with a camera phone sometime around 2004, and it's one of my favorites...
I believe that our lives here on earth are only one part of a much bigger journey, and I'd like to think that my parents are together again in whatever comes after this life.
But I sure miss them here in my life.

good news week

2009-08-10T23:44:00.000-07:00

Sigh, so many things to write about still, yet it takes me ~~two~~ three days to just squeeze out this... Hope everyone out there is doing well, I try to drop by and read your blogs when I can, most the time it's on my phone though, where it's hard to write comments (blogger and my blackberry are not on friendly terms). Cheers...

I started my new job on the first of August, but really didn't consider it my first day until this last Saturday when the new store I was hired to work in opened up. I like new things: cars, homes, apartments, work places. They feel fresh and give me the feeling of starting anew. Three of the places I've rented in the past were new, never before lived in dwellings, and the house I bought up here was too.

Saturday at work the smell of fresh paint was strong, the windows needed washing, the carpet vacuumed, the banners and posters hung. The company I work for doesn't believe in "big" openings, just word of mouth and good locations. This store has a GREAT location, so I wasn't surprised that we had a good first day, beating out the next closest company store in sales, and on Sunday we had an equally good day (and now Monday as well, although it was such a Monday, if you know what I mean...

There's only three of us working at this store, myself, a tall lankly younger guy named Jason, and the manager Crawford, and they both seem to be easy going guys, and more importantly believe in business etiquette as it pertains to a commission sales environment. I think I'm going to like it here, and better yet the store is kept at a comfortable 72 degrees...

Here's a photo of the 13 by 8 foot 42 degree refrigerator I used to work in. I'm not missing it much these days. Oh, and speaking of the old job, I found out that the girl I wrote about here has karma kicking her in the ass big time right now...

I have also been surprised by the uptick in sales of my photographs online recently, in fact July gave me the best sales month ever on two of my sites. I haven't had a chance to upload any photos lately, but after the new version of windows comes out this fall, I plan to get back to it. My Windows Vista laptop took three tries to just transfer 88 photos to a memory stick today, and I just don't have the time to completely reload the software in it to make it work right. And why bother if I'm going to replace the operating system in a few months, right?...

In other news, I received the results of my blood work that was done two weeks ago. All my tests came back in the normal range, including my PSA (which dropped down to the middle of what is considered the safe range). And now after my third "turn and cough" check, all three doctors concur I have a enlarged prostate, but nothing to make them suspect it's cancerous. But considering the prostate biopsy I was told I should get last year (by a medical group I think was truly more interested in my money than my health) would have cost over a thousand dollars, and a couple men who have had it done said it "hurt like a motherfucker", I'm very glad my new doctor has told me I don't need to have it done now. Yippie kai yay...

artwork and an armoire

2009-08-03T08:46:00.000-07:00

A while back I had some of my Australian artwork framed and I promised to share it here. This first one I bought at a student art show at an Aboriginal event Kimba's company was participating in. The artist used one of the ceramic tiles that ran around the base of her grandmother's home as a template for the piece (hench the piece's name), and I liked the simple subject, the color, and texture. I had the framer float it on top of a brown suede matte and finish it with a rustic dark oak frame, and I love how it turned out.

Nanna's

These are four cards that I originally thought to pass out to family members on my return, but were lost for a while, then when I found them, changed my mind when I thought of the framing idea. I believe I picked them up while in Tasmania. I remember the store quite clearly, but not "where" for sure...

Roos, owl, and a bilby

A piece of furniture that Terry and I bought together, because we needed more hang up storage for clothing since her 60 year old house only has small closets in each room. We spent a evening trying to figure out how old it is, and thanks to a stamp on the back of the mirror, we think it's around 100-110 years old.

I also have a Aboriginal painting on canvas that I had stretched but haven't found the right place to hang yet. Once I do I'll show it off, along with some more art from Oz and my trip last summer around the US.

So what special artwork or furniture do you have? Any photos to share?

bloodlines...

2009-07-30T09:20:00.000-07:00

I have several posts I'd like to write, long thought filled ones, but no time these days to do them. My last day at WinCo was Monday, and now I'm working on the house, emptying the last of my possessions out, getting ready to paint, and just ordered the new carpet (I still had the original 12 year old carpet). On top of that, I've had doctor and dentist appointments, and moving stuff from both houses into a storage unit so we can have a garage sale after I get my old house on the market. I start my new job next Tuesday...

So for now I give you this little tidbit from my head, courtesy of the old man who was driving very slowly in the outside lane of the eastbound I-90 yesterday morning when I was trying to get to the dentist on time. I wasn't mad with him, but just thought about how I will never drive slow in my old age, because I'm just like my just like my dad and grandfather.

To illustrate: shortly after my parents purchased their new car in 2005, I asked my dad how he enjoyed driving it after he took my mom to a doctor appointment one day. He said it was great, and that he had no problem keep up with the traffic that was doing 80mph now! My dad was 87 at the time...

And my favorite story about my grandfather was how at 82 years of age he drag raced his Ford Edsel at the Orange County International Raceway. I was there and watched him. He was disqualified after winning his first two heats. The reason? He jumped the light...

ANNOYING

2009-07-21T22:43:00.000-07:00

Why is it that so many (please note I didn't say all) of the younger people these days seem to have an attitude that the world revolves around them, that all that matters is their own needs and desires, and when they feel wronged blame it on others and never own up if they've made a mistake?

Hasn't anyone told them the world isn't fair? That life itself is not fair?
That things are not going to be handed to you on a silver plate, and you really don't always get your way?
That you don't go whining to your boss when someone rightly calls you a hypocrite and you don't like it.

Someone needs to tell these adult children to just GROW THE FUCK UP.

Thankfully I give my notice at work tomorrow and will only have to work with one of them for a few more days...

this isn't your parent's walgreens anymore...

2009-07-18T20:03:00.001-07:00

Terry discovered these new items that Walgreens' is selling online while ordering a prescription tonight. I have to say I'm impressed, a well known nationwide mainstream drug store chain wouldn't have dared to carry sexual toys in the past. It's about time I think.

Go, look, order. Enjoy...

thank you michael bay...

2009-07-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

...for making the second Transformers movie 2 1/2 hours long.

I dropped off The Boy and his friend at the movie theater this afternoon and headed back to the house, where Terry and I made very good use of that 2.5 hours...

yet another meme, because i'm too busy to write a real post...

2009-07-17T08:36:00.000-07:00

Stole this one from my friend Vixen Kitten, with her permission ;)

1. What is your occupation right now?
Deli worker, about to change to wireless phone salesman.

2. What color are your socks right now?
White, ankle high ones.

3. What are you listening to right now?
The air conditioner running at 8:30 am, we have a major heat wave on.

4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Scrambled eggs and homemade hot sauce. Made Terry breakfast before she headed off to work.

5. Can you drive a stick shift?
Yes, even had it in my right hand drive car I owned in Australia.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Terry, yesterday afternoon.

7. How old are you today?
50 years, 15 days. Close enough?

8. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
Football.

9. What is your favorite drink?
Jack and coke.

10. Favorite food?
Mexican, Italian, Greek. Tacos al Carbon done correctly is my favorite.

11. What is the last movie you watched?
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

12. Favorite day of the year?
Thanksgiving.

13. How do you vent anger?
Cuss.

14. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Lego's. Built all kinds of things with them. Made 2 foot long submarines for a while, earning me the nickname "Pint size submarine maker" from my best friend. I had a thing for Navel ships.

15. What is your favorite season?
Fall.

16. Cherries or Blueberries?
Neither really, but if forced to choose, cherries.

17. Who is least likely to respond?
This is left over from the email days. I never responded to these, not enough time. So why am I doing this now I wonder...

18. Living arrangements?
I share a home with my girlfriend, her son, and dog.

19. When was the last time you cried?
Been a while, over a year and a half ago.

20. What is on the floor of your closet?
Duffel bags, tripod, Camera and computer backpacks. Messy still, need to finish moving in...

21. What did you do last night?
BBQ'd hamburgers, looked up rental agreement forms online (riviting, I tell you), watched a little TV, sleep.

22. What are you most afraid of?
Heights where I am in control of keeping myself safe. Can't even get on a roof... Flying and rollercoasters though, no problem.

23. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?
Spicy cheese please! Made them last night with jalapeno cheese and spicy deli mustard, yum!

24. Favorite dog breed?
Several, Labs and Jack Russells, Terry's grey schnauzer is handsome little guy too. If I were getting a dog now though, it'd be a JRT like Taz, whom I still miss alot...

25. Favorite day of the week?
Don't have one.

26. How many states have you lived in?
4, California, Idaho, Victoria (Oz), Washington.

27. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds Are Forever is one of my favorite James Bond movies, does that count?

28. What are your favorite flowers?
Jasmine. More of a bush I suppose...

Five things most people would never guess about you:

1. I don't like essay type questions like this.
2. I toured a nuclear reactor before it went online. Saw it all, very cool.
3. I have two tattoos. People that get to know me seem surprised to learn that.
4. I have rather strong political views. Very strong...
5. That I'm a blogger.

and now this...

2009-07-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

Harry Potter was great, well done and full of everything the fans would want I think. My only complaint was that I found the ending to be a bit flat emotionally, considering what happens (no, I'm not telling in case you haven't read the books).

And there were several good previews in front of the movie. This one definitely stood out for me for obvious reasons. I don't believe any of the hype about 2012, in fact from what I've read, due to the changes in the calender through the centuries, the events predicted and depicted here would have already occurred. I just love a good disaster flick, and this one looks fucking awesome...

2012 Official Movie trailer

And is it just me, or do those ark type ships look a little like battlestars?

finally...

2009-07-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

possibilities

2009-07-10T09:23:00.001-07:00

A olive branch showed up in the mail box yesterday, a birthday card and long note from my daughter who I haven't heard from in over 6 months. I had sent Christmas and birthday cards and presents for her and my granddaughter, along with letters and pictures of what has been going on in my life, but hadn't heard back from her. She thanked me for the gifts and said how my granddaughter liked them, and talked about the hard feelings that had kept her from writing me until now. Told me her BF didn't like her writing to me, but that's his problem. I feel like maybe she is getting a sense of herself back that she had lost last year, and realising she doesn't have to do what he says all the time. I hope so. She is working at a nursing home now, and her BF is working for Hardees, something I never thought he'd do, as he said that kind of work was beneath him...maybe living with his parents changed his attitude some...
Funny that this happens at a time when my son has stopped talking to me now, no phone calls for father's day or on my birthday... oh well, as my daughter said at the end of her letter, life goes on...

And I'd like to ask you all to keep good thoughts going for me tomorrow around 11am if your so inclined. I have a job interview, actually a second one with this wireless phone company. Seems the psychological test I thought I bombed last March (before getting the deli job) I didn't, the company just had delays in the construction of their new building, and so hiring was put on the back burner. But since then another position has come up that they want to talk to me about as well, so I will either be selling cell phones at their new store or managing one of their existing stores (right down the road from home). I'll be sitting down with the area manager tomorrow morning to hopefully find out. In any case, it would beat the hell out of making pizzas in a refrigerator...

Cross your fingers.

7/11/09
Update: Thanks for the crossed fingers, I had a great interview this morning and I accepted a retail sales job with them, with great earnings potential. I decided the added stress of the store manager position was something I wasn't interested in, but the area manager told me he's going keep me in mind for an assistant manager position he is anticipating adding to their new store in about six months, something that sounds perfect for me...

slowly dying (and some computer geekiness)

2009-07-07T21:23:00.000-07:00

7/7/09: OK, this is weird. I found this post I wrote about two weeks ago, but never posted. Is that a sign of aging? I actually found two posts, but since I'm still waiting for the part I mention at the end of this, I'll post it first...

6/23/09
My old laptop, the faithful, hard working, been everywhere with me for 4 years, Windows XP©®tm, AMD Turion64, 1.25gig ram Hewlett-Packard laptop is slowly dying. I bought a new charging adapter eight months ago, but now the plug in seems to be shorting out every now and then. The touch pad that used to be all shiny silver has a white oval in the middle of it. I can't play my iTunes and surf the web at the same time without the music sounding like a stuttering mess.

I purchased another HP last fall to use primarily as my work computer, but it uses the Windows Vista*#@!&* operating system that everyone loves so much (sarcasm people...). After less than six months of using it, I need to reload the OS (shorthand for operating system...) on it already... So it sits in a closet mostly these days, waiting for October and the release of Windows 7, which so far seems to be a good OS, according to the many reports I've read, and from what my IT friend says. I'm also having some issues with Internet Explorer 7 on my old computer, and need to upgrade to IE 8, or just switch over to Apple's Safari which I have been using on the newer laptop.

If my old HP dies, I will try to repair it, I'm doing that with Terry's daughter's old laptop right now, trying to get it running for her son. I just took it completely apart and soldered a new power plug to the motherboard. We're waiting for a new power adapter to show up and see if it will power back up...

7/7/09:
Excuse me now, the boy and I are going to play Star Wars: Battlefront 2
Terry rolled her eyes and went off to take a nap...

five oh

2009-07-02T22:31:00.000-07:00

So 50 is really the new 40?

I'm skeptical...

It's just that I like even numbers, not odd, and here I am going into a decade of oddness.

Bah... grumble...

I'm waiting for the AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) mailing to show up anytime now... fuck....

But a big thank you to my friend Melanie (Sparsely Kate) for writing me on FB that 50 means another 30 rockin' years... I'm shooting for more than that even!

Posted at the exact time I was born 50 years ago...

And because my friend Freebird asked for a photo of the now goatee-less Fusion, here you go. I was being serenaded happy birthday at my favorite Mediterranean restaurant tonight...

Oh, and the goatee hopefully will be coming back soon, a new job possibility has come up with a wireless phone company...more later.

four funerals and a wedding...

2009-07-01T23:30:00.000-07:00

I've attended four funerals in the past 34 months, starting with my wife's and ending with one last week for one of Terry's best friend's mother. I'm tired of going to them, this last one left me in a funk for half a day, and brought back memories of the last three.

So I was glad to be going to a wedding at last. It was a nice simple one, not fancy because it was in Las Vegas, the couple just happens to live there, the bride works for one of the big casinos in fact. They were married in the fastest ceremony I've ever seen, maybe 10 minutes, if that, which beats the hell out of the 1 1/2 hour Catholic wedding of a cousin I attended years ago. Then we headed over to the home of a friend of the bride's for a nice small backyard reception. It was catered by another family friend who does it for a living, and we feasted on the best Mexican food I've had in a long time. We enjoyed the warm evening air, and the fairy lights and electric red lanterns that were strung up over the half dozen long tables with white linen and red candles. Toasts were made, photos taken, the cake was cut, a bouquet and corset were thrown. Music played over the white outdoor speakers hung on the house, all kinds of music, old and new. Then Billie Jean came on, and the mood changed ever so slightly, and someone went inside the house and put on Micheal Jackson's greatest hits and we danced to Thriller, Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough, Beat It, Bad, and more. Yes, even I, who never dances...danced. Standing under the cooling misters that returned moisture to the dry desert air, Terry and I danced and clapped while watching her amazing 72 year old dad steal the dance floor with his moves. Terry's sons and cousin threw hoops over on the far side of the yard while the smokers stood out on the front driveway lighting up and visiting. The final dance of the night was for the bride and groom alone, the song, Nat King Cole's Unforgettable...
We all talked and laughed, ate and drank, danced and celebrated under the stars and the seemingly billion watt beam of light from the Lexar hotel a mile away.
It felt good to be there.
It felt good to celebrate a beginning for a change.

craigslist

2009-06-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

Craigslist rocks. Seriously.

First Terry and I found each other there, seven months ago. Then a few months later I put my parent's old car up for sale on it, and literally 15 hours later I was signing over the pink slip to a nice older couple (whose names were John and Kathy oddly enough). This last week I put my old king size bed, computer desk, two washers and a dryer (I had my own little appliance store going...), TV stand, and electric fireplace on it. I had my first reply in 31 minutes, and by the following Saturday afternoon had sold all of it... wow, better than garage sales...

Now even Weird Al is singing about it...

Heading off on a long drive to Vegas tomorrow, for a wedding and to meet most of Terry's family. Wish me luck... I have to admit I'm a little nervous.

relearning

2009-06-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

Last week Terry had a bad day at work. I could hear it in her voice before she told me over the phone during our regular midday call. Nothing horribly wrong, just a rough one, like we all tend to get from time to time.

But the reaction it caused me after we hung up bought back bad memories. I went back to work with a familiar old dread in the pit of my stomach like I used to get when I knew my ex wife was in a bad mood, and I would know life at home that night would be strained at the very least. My daughter would spend the evening "hiding out" in her room (I've read part of her diary she left behind, and was surprised at the level of conflict between her and mom), and I would do my best to avoid Kathy myself.

But as I made pizzas back in the production room after my lunch break (ah, what a glamorous job...), I thought it out, and reminded myself Terry is not my ex wife, who would give me that stare that said I hate my life, and made me feel I was somehow responsible for her unhappiness.

Last year as I read a couple books on relationships and self improvement, I learned something important, it's not my job to make anyone, i.e. parents, siblings, SO, or children, happy. Everyone has to do that themselves, Terry included. I spent over twenty five years trying to make my wife happy, and it fucking wore me down, and out.

And guess what? When I got home, Terry had a nice dinner on the table, and beautiful smile for me as well. She still wasn't in the best mood because of her day, but we talked during dinner, and then went out for coffee later and I told her about what I wrote here. She told me that she has had the same sort of feelings come up before too, due to her second marriage to a guy she should have never married. Then she reminds herself I'm not him.

I don't know how to wrap this post up, I usually like to throw in a zippy little ending, but I don't have one here. I don't want to write about how great it's been finding someone like Terry, or something like that. It's just that it's so easy to talk to her and I didn't have that with my ex wife. Sure we talked, but most the time we were just skimming the surface, especially in the later years with "safe" subjects only, it's so refreshing to be able to talk about anything with Terry, and that makes me very happy.

And as this is Father's day here in the states, to all the blogging dads out there, have a good one!

work

2009-06-09T20:45:00.000-07:00

I work in a large refrigerator. 42f (5c) all day long. I wear a black ski cap under my company issued baseball cap that all employees have to wear, along with a heavy winter jacket, also in black. We had a heat wave this last week and it was funny to see the looks on peoples faces as I came to work with the jacket in 85f (29c) temps.

There are four other woman I work with in the deli "production room" as it is called. We make sub sandwiches, wraps, salads, dinner bowls, and pizzas. My "speciality" is salads and pizzas, but truth be told, it isn't very hard or challenging work, even though we had four people wash out because they weren't fast enough. Funny, because many days (like today) I don't feel all that fast. But neither did Clara or Megan today either, I think some days we just run faster than others.

We have become close in the time we've worked together though, I guess working in a room 20 by 15 feet does that. We all have nicknames, Clara is the Queen Bitch (she proudly admits it), Megan is Crybaby, Simple (yes, that's her name) is Complicated, and Stephanie is Chatty Cathy. I'm called the Captain, but none of us are the boss in our room, the deli dept manager is, but I guess with Clara and I being the oldest, the others just look to us to tell them what to do, and if no one has taken command by the time I get to work, I step into my old management role just because I can't stand disorganization, and someone has to make the decisions...

Clara and I get along the best, We see eye to eye on many things (except politics) and both do not suffer fools gladly. She told me she liked me when I first came into the department and told her I couldn't work in the seafood dept because I almost threw up in training when the trainer was gutting a whole fish, and admired the fact I could be that honest... I've been over to her home to work on her computer, meet her husband and a couple of her kids. A big Harley bike riding family, she and her husband make beautiful leather cowboy boots that sell for up to a thousand dollars a pair. She, like me went to work mainly for the benefits.

Megan is the baby of the group, only 25, and rarely ever cusses, but loves to whine and complain about work, hence the nickname. Clara and I more than make up for her lack of language though, even though it's against company policy. We have declared our room a "cuss away" zone, and more than one employee (including the boss) has made use of it from time to time.

Simple came from India four years ago, and it's always interesting to listen to her tell about what life was like living there for her first 26 years. She married an American in an arranged marriage where she never saw her future husband until ten days before the wedding, and never kissed him until after the ceremony. She has a little boy now, but has separated from her husband, something she hasn't told her family back home yet...

Stephanie, or Steph as she likes to go by, works only a couple days a week in the production room, filling in where needed. She is a very nice lady, but Clara doesn't care for her much because she talks all the time. She just reconciled with her second husband for the fourth time, has a son that ended up in jail for a week, and a daughter that is causing problems as well. But she always comes to work with a smile on her face.

Like I said earlier, the job isn't hard. We're all just making 20 cents above minimum wage, but with 10 percent unemployment in the region, we're thankful for the steady work and the health coverage that kicks in in nine days. I told Clara today I know I'm not working up to my potential right now, but I keep reminding myself I'm here for the health care, to get my prostate biopsy done and any treatments I might need. I've put other stuff on hold for now to take care of this. But down the road I have other plans, Terry and I have moved in together now (more on that on a future post), and we've talked about what we'd like to see happen by the end of the year. Will I be working at the grocery store at that point? I don't know yet.

But I'd sure like to grow back my goatee that the company made me shave off as a condition of hire...

music and sarcasma

2009-05-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

I found this on my friend Freebird's blog a while back (sorry, no link as she's private) and wanted to share it. It's become a favorite around the household of late. I like the subtle sarcasm of the video, making fun of the old time music shows. Watch the drummer's halarious expressions during the video... and I love the rooster on the cow's back as well.
Not to mention Lily is quite easy on the eyes and ears too...

And speaking of sarcasm, my good friend Unspoken Drama sent this important advertisment to me a while back. Enjoy.

Click to enlarge, if you care...

thoughts, courtesy of Deb

2009-05-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

I'm catching up on Deb's past posts (slowly trying to catch up with everyone), and last month she was talking about anger and how she has learned to look at it as just another emotion. Not letting it get the best of her, and I could relate to that.

I remember one time long ago when I got so angry and frustrated with my wife that I picked up one of our dining room chairs and slammed it down so hard I broke it. To this day I still only have three chairs. I remember feeling so stupid at doing that, yet I know it was the best way to let it out, rather than verbally. And I would never have taken it out on her physically. These days in the rare instance that I get really mad for whatever reason I will purposely look for something to break (but always being practical, something already broken or that I was going to throw away anyway), the bigger the better. It releases the pent up emotions much quicker than just internalising it and letting it fester. My friend Gillette has written about hitting a tennis racket on the bed to let her emotions out, same kind of thing for me.

Another thing that stands out when reading Deb's blog is how honestly she writes about herself. She's continually looking deeper inside herself to figure out who she is, why she is. She asks the hard questions and looks for the answers. I feel like all I do is skim the surface of myself these days, afraid to dig deeper, or maybe I'm just too lazy. But then I think about the posts I've published here, and think maybe I'm just tired of doing it so much in the past and need a break. I could worry and fret about my broken relationship with my daughter, or what could happen with Terry (always waiting for the other shoe to drop, that's me), but I don't want too anymore. I want to skate along and just enjoy life now, and let what happens happen. I'm tired of analyzing my life and what coulda beens or shoulda beens.

But at the same time I don't think I'll be able to stop, because it's in my nature (all our natures?) to constantly self analyse. Childhood issues, relationships (or lack thereof) with parents, kids, SO's, co-workers, "why me's", why them's", body image, etc etc. We fuck with our minds all the time. We're constantly searching for that place of perfect peace, harmony, happiness, serenity, calm.

But does it exist? Some people say they have found it through meditation, prayer, therapy, or other means. But do they really? I don't know, but I guess we'll never stop looking.

500

2009-05-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

So here I am, at post number 500. I originally wrote a rambling post about how long the journey has been, how so many have followed my writing and life on here, etc etc.

I'm not feeling so "prosey" right now. Hey, did I just make up a new word?

Anyway, I had thought to end my blog here at number 500, no surprise to those you really know me, and how I like things neat and tidy, but many friends wrote to say how they'd miss me here in the blogosphere, and truthfully I'd miss you all as well. I hope to be able to catch up with your writings in the future as life settles down a little bit.

I decided to change the blog name for the third and final time. It's simple and I like that. I'm long past being out of tune, and although we never stop finding our way in this this world, I'm feeling like (at least right now) I'm there, and in a good space. I will try to not post as many "catch up" posts in the future, as I think they get a bit boring to others and feel self-aggrandizing to me. *shrug*
To quote a favorite saying of mine: Life is good. I want to talk about other things more often again.

So to everyone who still comes by here, thanks. You're the reason I stick around.

Excuse me now, I have to go paint a kitchen, then fix a co-worker friends computer, and later the Boy (Terry's son) and I are going bowling. It's going to be a nice day.

I hope yours is too.

8 things meme and a quick update

2009-05-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

The update:
1. I finally have the 4 day workweek I wanted. And my hours are now 9am to 5:30pm too. Very happy about that.
2. I've more or less moved in with Terry now. Mixed feelings about what to do with my house right now because of it though...
3. I didn't place at all in that photo contest I entered a few months back. They had some very good entries this year though, better than last years. Go look, the winning photo was fantastic...

So my friend Vixen Kitten tagged me to do this meme a while back.

8 things I am looking forward to:
1. My son's birthday this weekend.
2. A wedding in Terry's family on June 27th where I will get to finally meet her two older kids, father, and several sisters. Oh, and it's happening in Las Vegas...
3. Summer evenings in the backyard barbecuing on Terry's kickass grill. Yes Mr. Allen, it's as nice as yours!
4. Building a half pipe ramp with Terry's son.
5. Painting and repairing my house after getting Terry's in order.
6. My photo trip this summer, and the new photography ideas I want to try out.
7. Showing Terry more of the local region on some day trips this summer (she hasn't explored much in the 3 plus years she's lived here...)
8. Several movies coming out this summer (Star Trek was great, btw...)

8 things I did yesterday:
1. Made lots and lots of sub sandwiches.
2. Returned a dvd.
3. Watched back episodes of 24 and Survivor.
4. Checked out hotel rates in Vegas.
5. Made Terry very happy, 8 times over...
6. Slept
7. Ate, several times in fact...
8. Shaved, and brushed my teeth too!

8 things I wish I could do:
1. Live the rest of my life in Australia.
2. Travel into space.
3. Travel whenever I wanted.
4. Own a Aston Martin DBS.
5. End corporate greed in America.
6. Fund all the school districts 100% in the U.S.
7. Provide decent medical care for all Americans.
8. End poverty and hunger in the world, while curbing population growth.

8 shows I watch:
1. NCIS
2. Survivor
3. Ghost Whisperer
4. The Amazing Race
5. How I Met Your Mother
6. 24
7. The Mentalist
8. Damages

I'm supposed to tag 8 people to do this, but I'm not sure I even have eight people reading me anymore, so if you want to do this, go for it.

santa barbara burning

2009-05-08T23:25:00.000-07:00

The City of Santa Barbara in California is in grave danger from the worst firestorm in it's history, threatening even the old downtown and forcing over 30,000 of it's citizens to evacuate. Last night the situation worsened further, and another 23,000 may have to leave soon. Terry grew up there, and her parents and brother had to evacuate yesterday morning at 3am (they went to Terry's sister's home in Santa Maria), and she's worried the home she grew up in in may not survive. Please keep the people in this area in your thoughts, and that hopefully the weather will change and give the firefighters the break they need to stop it.

UPDATE: Her parents were allowed back home two nights later when weather conditions improved and the fire stayed about a mile and a half away from their place.

I'm worried for southern California this year though, they've had so little rain it doesn't bode well for the fire season to come this fall...

black and white

2009-05-05T10:36:00.000-07:00

Kimba asked me in the last post why I was sleeping on Terry's couch. It was basically because of her 11 1/2 year old son, who has had rather puritanical views on sleeping together and drinking. I find it interesting how black and white a young person's views can be, and then again when many (not all) people get older. No shades of grey...

B (Terry's son) and I get along really well though, and through this move Terry and I feel that he and I have bonded quite abit more, and we're planning on building a half pipe together this summer (he's into skateboarding bigtime). But for a long time B would get upset if he saw me on his mother's bed, even though it would be just to talk, fully dressed. He'd act out with his mom, defying her and arguing with her, which was very unlike him. I know it was hard for him to have to "share" his mom after over three years of having her to himself...
But Terry and I decided the time had come for the couch sleeping to end, and since the move I've slept in her bed, and B has been ok with it.
And now we even get to have sex more than once a week...

In the past it only happened when he was sleeping over at a friends place, or we'd go to my house for the afternoon.

So life is slowly returning to normal now, abit a new normal for me, and I'm looking forward to a four day work week soon too, the new girl is working out well and I'm training another good employee to take over my closing shifts later this week. The people that were causing problems in my dept have been transferred out, and one is on her way out of a job completely, from what I've heard.

At Terry's home, I just finished hooking up the kitchen faucet and drain pipes, a real pain in the ass made more difficult due to the thick granite countertop that was installed. Put up the new dining room light yesterday, and today I'm relaxing in the living room looking out the big picture windows here before I head off to work at 11:15am. I'm off on Thursday and Friday and planning to head over to my house to work on some stuff over there. I've contracted my neighbor to mow and water my lawns now, but I have several painting projects, a new washer and dryer to install, and a bunch of shit to go through that my daughter and her lazyass BF left behind when they moved out of state. But for the past three weeks I haven't lived there. I've gone over to take care of banking and estate stuff (the last of my mom's stuff), and I even took a shower there last Friday, but the milk in my fridge expired April 21st, and I still have to throw it out... But I still can't say I've moved in with Terry, I only have a few of my clothes here, my camera, and one laptop. I don't feel ready yet to move in, or more to the point, give up my house in Idaho... Speaking of my camera, the photo on this post is of the flowers that popped up in the front of Terry's house on their own, daffodils (her favorite flower) and tulips (her second fav), and made her feel like this was meant to be her place. I'm also starting to plan a trip to the Canadian Rockies and Glacier National Park for this summer. I've wanted to go to Banff National Park for a long time, and this is the year...

So, what else? I'm looking forward to the new Star Trek movie my son, his partner and I are going to see this Thursday night (preview showing). And then my son's birthday in 12 days.

I've decided not to stop blogging. I'm going to try and catch up with some of your blogs soon too, I've missed keeping in touch with the goings on in your lives.

Please keep my friend Unspoken Drama in your thoughts, she's going through a rough patch right now. And for Kimba as she is working on buying a really nice house of her own.

That's it for now, I'm going to set up a few post to publish automatically too, a meme Vixen Kitten tagged me for, and a funny "ad" I was sent a while back by Drama. And when post 500 shows up, there will be a change...

See ya on the flip side.

stayin alive...

2009-04-23T00:41:00.000-07:00

My days of late have consisted of sleep, work, and home improvements on Terry's house. Move in day is the 25th and it's been constant painting, fence building, electrical work (blew the 70's fuse panel a few days ago, fixed now), and floor cleaning. We've moved quite abit already, and the new kitchen countertop was installed yesterday. I just have the main bathroom left to fix up for now and hanging of the window coverings. And three light fixtures. Several new window locks. Painting of the trim.

Mmmm, yeah, you get the idea.

Work has settled down now, the grand opening madness is over, and I talked with my boss yesterday about going to four days soon, and got the answer I expected. There are only three of us working in my part of the deli that know how to do the job correctly, and she can't afford to drop me down a day yet until we can find and train someone who knows how to work as fast and accurately as we do...sigh, I like knowing that I do a good job, but when it keeps me from cutting back it sucks too... My job really isn't that hard, I make sub sandwiches, dinner "bowls", salads, pizzas, etc, but you have to have an assembly line mentality and the speed to do it, and of the last 5 that have been brought in, only two have worked out, besides me and another woman. Once our new coworker (who is Indian, having moved here 4 years ago from Mumbai) is trained up, hopefully I'll get to go part time.

I changed wireless service providers last week too, returning to Verizon Wireless because most the people I call use it. Terry is on Cricket though, and I went with Verizon because they added Family and Friends™, which allows me to call her whenever I want. The phone I bought is a Blackberry Storm so I can keep in touch on the web easier. I have used it for my internet this last week, in fact this is the first time I have been on my laptop in over a week. I've been using the new phone to IM with my son's partner, Kimba (Taz ran away but he's back home now!), and Cat. I emailed with Drama and Trueself, and yesterday I figured out how to take and send a photo to Terry through my email account using just the phone. It's also a global phone, using a GSM sim card, so the next time I head down under I'll be able to use it just fine on either the Optus or Vodaphone network. I might finally figure out everything it does once I get a chance to sit down, install the computer interface software, and read the CD tutorial that came with it...

Well that's all for now, my sister may have some serious health issues developing, after next week we'll know more. Right now it's after midnight and the couch is beckoning (I've been staying at Terry this past week) and tomorrow it's back to the grind. I miss reading all of your blogs, and promise to try and catch up when I can.

You know, in between hooking up the new garbage disposal, picking up the moving van, and making 24 pepperoni pizzas...

taxes, dreams, and memories

2009-04-14T23:37:00.000-07:00

Working on my mother's final tax return this morning, sorting through memory laced receipts. It's why I put it off until the last minute, I did the same two years ago when filing the last joint return for myself and my wife...
I noticed my mom had signed a check the day before she died, and two the day before that. She was lucky, just like my dad, going quickly with no drawn out lingering illness, except for her Parkinson's which she lived with for over 20 years.

Then in the middle of adding up the numbers and filling out the forms, Terry called me to tell me about a dream she had last night. My mom had come into Terry's room, and my dad's old bowling ball (that I have kept) was on Terry's bed as well, and my mom told her she was glad I had the ball and thought of dad often. She said it made her happy.

Hearing Terry tell me that made me tear up a little.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Tonight I was looking for some music on iTunes, and found this song I had lost last year. I had downloaded all of Kimba's music before I left, but some of it I couldn't play. Tonight I can again, and it brings back good memories of Australia, Melbourne, and a girl and her dog...
It's now been a year and five days since I came back, and I still have a homesickness for that wonderful country...

And while I'm at it, here's another great Aussie song...

thank god for merlot and music

2009-04-08T21:58:00.000-07:00

Irritating day at work, had to take charge, use my old management skills. Nearly told a snarky young "trainer" to go fuck off. Long story... He finally got the message and left me and the co-workers I work with alone...

James Morrison, feat Nelly Furtado - Broken Strings

Came home worn out. Am I getting too old for this shit? Tired to the bone, yet still feeling like I don't measure up to what the bosses want. I don't like that feeling.
Talked it all out with Terry on the phone, she's been having some bad days at work too. Told me to have some wine. Cracked open my favorite Merlot from South Australia (of course). Downloaded some new music for the iPod. Good stuff I heard on the radio while painting yesterday.

Feeling much more mellow now. Still have to do my mom's last tax return, and figure out the balance of the estate that my sister and I will split. My parent's old house finally closed escrow last Friday and I haven't called her because it will be how much and when ad nausea... blah...

I've just discovered these songs, music is so awesome, isn't it? Going to load them on the iPod, then watch 24 and head to bed. This is post #495, and I still haven't decided what to post for #500. I feel the end of my time here is now, yet it's hard to let go, even when you know it's really time. This blog has been such a important part of my life since my wife died, and ending it seems like I'm

Fuck, I'm getting too drunk to ~~write anymore~~ think straight, heh.

Goodnight.

crossroads

2009-04-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

The other night in each other arms, Terry and I had one of those deep post coital talks under the covers. Basically it boiled down to her asking me are you happy enough to stay with me? You don't want to try and move to Australia or Prescott (Arizona) permanently? Are you OK knowing that I want to stay here for seven more years until the Boy finishes school? I don't want to hold you back, you're in a unique position to really do whatever you want in life now, something not many people ever get a chance to do...

I answered affirmative on all accounts, but at the same time I felt like I was hedging my bets in the back of my mind. Maybe it's the thoughts of being tied down again, or that I'm giving up my chances of doing "whatever". *shrug*

Then I get a phone message or text that makes me break into a big smile, and I realise how much I feel for this woman, and how that feeling is growing more everyday. And I wonder if those nagging little doubts will keep fading away as time goes by...

I still think about moving to Prescott, and wanting to travel back to Oz, but then I realise that for now I need to work for my health benefits, and moving to Prescott would mean starting over with no family of friends around me at all, and I don't like that idea anymore, and for the time being in this economy I know I wouldn't make much with my photography if I moved there anyway... And I will travel back to Australia, the only question is when. I also know now I won't be keeping this new job long term, maybe a year or two tops, it is simply a ends to a means for right now. I'm working on a plan that will allow me to be self employed so I can devote all my time to photography. I'm know I'm truly done with the traditional 9 to 5 routine long term now...

This post was inspired by a blogging friend just wrote this in regards to her relationship: I was so sure I wanted to guard my independence and freedom so much, not knowing that when real love comes into a person’s life, the notion of solitary freedom becomes… irrelevant.

That says what I've been thinking and feeling so eloquently. But when thinking about spending the rest of my life with Terry I still get a mix of excitement and apprehension. Maybe it's because of my marriage and how it turned out, but I don't feel like digging into that train of thought right now. I'll just wait and see what the future brings.

For now it's a sunny day with highs predicted in the 60's, and I'm headed over to her new house to paint for the next two days.

Life is good.

Added later: Here's a video I had saved for a seperate post, that fits with this post, and says something I firmly believe in:

busy as a one legged man at a...

2009-03-28T23:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's me, no time to blog, or read any either. Been working full out at the new job (starting in the wee hours of the morning) trying to learn it enough by the time the store opens on Monday at 9 AM. This is the second WinCo to open in Spokane, Washington, the first one made 2.3 million dollars in the first 6 days it was open...
I work with 21 others who are all just as tired today. I started out assigned in the seafood dept, but after cleaning out one crab and watching a trainer gut a 25 pound halibut this morning, I was turning as green as the sea, and was re-assigned to what is called the "cheese island" and "production room" making ready to eat meals, party trays and cutting the cheese (don't go there...) and vacuum sealing it to sell in one and two pound blocks. I keep reminding myself I'm doing this for the benefits and I'm lucky to have found this job in this economy (there are 239 employees at my store and they had over 4500 applications).
When I haven't been working, I've been on the phone with my realtor and the contractor in charge of repairing my parents old place trying to get everything sorted. No luck so far, just alot of frustration.

And when I haven't been doing those two things, I've been over at Terry's new house patching, repairing, and painting now. I'm SO tired these days I can't see straight. But I'm off Sunday to rest. Oh wait... No, open house at my new job, more painting and new door and window locks to install at the house, and two errands to run too...

*Sigh*

In the last week I've been at my house only one afternoon...

I feel like I've all but moved in with Terry already...

I think next Monday night I may actually sleep in my bed for a change...

But life isn't going to slow down for me anytime soon, in fact it is getting busier.
I may be ending this blog before long, this is my 493rd post, and as someone who loves round numbers, 500 may be it, in fact I have a final post already written, I'm going to wait and see if I can really walk away from here or not, I don't know for sure yet. I've tried before and couldn't do it, and I have a couple new posts roughed, if I could only find the time to write them. I may just cut way back and visit and write updates when I can.

Take care all.

Afterthought: I've just read this and realised how down this might sound, and that's not the truth at all. Life is good, and although I'm quite tired at the moment, I am also very happy too, so no worries, OK?

birthday thoughts

2009-03-24T00:16:00.000-07:00

I'll be turning fifty this July 2nd.

I'm having alot of trouble with this one. 30 didn't bother me, or 40 either. But 50, there's something about it that bothers me, makes me think about how long I have left here.
Mortality and all that shit...
Maybe it's because my parents are gone now, maybe because it's always in the back of my head that my wife died at 46 and who knows how much time we really have left...

I was just reading my friend Deb's latest post, talking about her patients (she's a nurse) that are dying, and how she was telling a daughter who's mother is terminal that it's OK to die.

I tell people I'm not worried about dying, and that I know there is something that comes after this life, that our souls go somewhere. I really believe that. But there are times when I recall sitting by my wife's bedside after she had slipped into a coma, and thinking about how the doctors say patients in comas can still hear the people around them, and are still in there processing thoughts. I wonder now what was she thinking, knowing that she was dying. It takes me to a sad and melancholy place when I think about it for too long.

I remember my mom telling me that when she woke up and found my dad had died in his sleep next to her, that his hands were clinched into fists on his chest, and I've wondered why, what was he thinking and feeling in those last moments of his life?

Last August as I held my mother's hand as she gasped for air with lungs that didn't want to work because of Parkinson's, I saw in her eyes that she knew this was it, that she was dying. The last thing she told me was it hurts, before she thankfully passed out for the last time... But the way she looked at me, and then past me, will stay with me the rest of my life...

I'm not afraid of being dead. I think I'm afraid of how I'm going to die. Or of dying alone, with no one there with me. Maybe I've just seen too much of it in the past few years, and I'm still processing it all. I don't know. But the emotions that well up in me at times like this when I write about it tells me I still have stuff to work out.

And turning fifty just makes me feel it a little bit more.

fluff four: technicolor puppet music

2009-03-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

I was checking for new Coldplay videos a while back and found this newer one from their EP album Prospekt's March, which included material not released on Viva La Vida. It's a fun video, and the puppetry is good. If you haven't watched it already, enjoy.

fluff three: dare to play (a meme of sorts)

2009-03-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

This is how we go about this one: If you leave a comment to this post asking me to, I'll list five things I associate with you. They might make sense or they might be totally random, then you post that list with your commentary added to your own Blog. I and other people get our lists from you, and the meme merrily perpetuates itself.

Cat offered me her associations with these five words listed below. My commentary follows each of her words.

Sweet - Well thanks Cat, I don't think too many guys like being thought of as sweet, it doesn't mix with the image they want for themselves, but I have been called this many times in the past, so what can I say?

Kind - Another word some guys don't like to have associated with them, but in this case I don't mind, and I think it is a good trait to have, if everyone was a little more kind to each other, this world really would be a better place.

Talented - In some areas sure, we all have our strong points. One of mine is fixing things (can't wait to start working on Terry's new home!) and I do seem to have an eye for taking a good picture here and there...

Political - Heh, heh, yeah. I love me a good debate over politics and have some pretty strong opinions on it, as anyone reading my blog for a while can attest to. If Cat and I lived in the same city, we'd be getting together regularly to discuss the latest goings on in Washington...

Photographer - Sometimes I'm still uncomfortable being called this, because I think I'm faking it, and someone is going to figure that out. I look at other photographers work and think I'm so not as good as they are, but then I get some people telling me they wish they could take photos as good as mine... We're our own worst enemies I think. I still have so much more I want to do, and I will get there, it just takes time. Now that I've found a good part time job to keep me from starving I feel the creative mojo coming back (stress kills creativeness I've noticed). And I'm not so afraid to spend a bit more of my savings to further my business now that I know there will be income to replace it.

jackets

2009-03-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, interrupting my fluff pieces yet again, I should never try to do a series...

I'm not a clothes horse, nor do I shop "brands", with the one exception being Columbia winter jackets. I am however a self proclaimed jacket whore, I like nice comfy ones to wear, and I've been in the need of some new mid and lightweight ones since I lost so much weight two years ago, and skipped winter last year by living down under. So last Saturday when Terry and I went shopping at a closeout shop looking for a dining room set for her new house, I looked through the men's clothing section and found a jacket that looks almost like this one. Terry really liked it on me, and while checking it over, I mentioned the name on the label, Michael Kor. She got all excited and said don't you know who he is? He's a judge on Project Runway and one of the most well known designers in America today... I just shrugged, I liked the jacket, I didn't care who made it. Turns out I got a great deal though, the picture of this one came from a discount site where it was selling for $149.39, a 54% discount according to the company. Oh, and a 10% discount if you ordered today.

I only paid $19.39, including tax...

And it feels nice on me.

fluff two: finger lickin' funny...

2009-03-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

Somehow I got signed up to KFC's "send me info, i.e ads" service a while back, but finally they had something of interest in one of the emails, a link to this video which is funny as hell, and then a second one that KFC made that was a half arsed corporate attempt to be as funny as this one is. I didn't bother putting it up, because it was horrible. They had a old guy dressed like the colonel that kept licking his fingers dressed up like William Wallace (Braveheart), Martin Riggs (Lethal Weapon), and Mad Max. It was painful to watch. But this Jimmy Kimmel skit is pure gold, enjoy. Oh, and I loved the cameo of Captain C.B. Sully Sullenberger, a true hero for sure.

awkward...

2009-03-16T00:12:00.000-07:00

I interrupt my fluff posts to bring you this brief update..

Sunday evening at Terrys my phone rang. It was my old girlfriend Karen calling to say hi... I hadn't talk to her since shortly before I first met Terry last November and I was kinda surprised to hear from her. She asked about Chelsea, my kids, and how I was doing. I made small talk for a couple minutes and then told her I had met a new girl up here and that we were just getting ready to watch a movie. I had to tell her three times because she couldn't understand me (Karen has nerve deafness) and I felt self conscience having to speak up to have her hear me...

Even though we completely trust each other, my green eyed Terry also has a self proclaimed green eyed jealous streak, so I was wondering how she'd react after I got off the phone. She was fine though, and we enjoy the movie, one of her favorites, Young Frankenstein.
We had a nice weekend again, except for the fact we didn't get any "alone" time due to her son having a friend sleep over for two nights. Couldn't complain really though, because the friend's parents watch Terry's son last month over the Valentine Day weekend so we could get away to a swanky hotel in downtown Spokane for a romantic stay. Hopefully they enjoyed the couple nights alone this weekend...

Now back to the regularly scheduled fluff, carry on...

fluff one: tagged by jen...

2009-03-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by Jen (and one of her latest posts is an example of how well she writes) to do this interesting meme last week. This is the first of four light automatically posted posts of the fluffy kind... whilst I concentrate my energies in other areas. I probably won't be able to get around your blogs either for a bit, so my apologies in advance. See you on the flip side...

Would you do crystal meth if it were legalised?
I've answered this one before, no fucking way, this stuff will kill you, why would I want to do that?

Abortion, for or against?
Neither, I'm pro choice, and feel that one person's personal beliefs should never be imposed on another.

Would the country fall if there was a woman president?
Of course not!

Do you believe in the death penalty?
Yes.

Do you wish marijuana would be legalised already?
I go back and forth on this one. The legal system wastes too much time on prosecuting offenders now, but I do think it can lead to the use of other more serious drugs.

Or cause well brought up daughters to hook up with loser lazyass boyfriends...

Do you believe in God?
I believe there is life after death, but someone running the show? Not so sure, but if there is someone, he, she, or it needs a refresher course in world management...

Do you think same sex marriage should be legalised?
Abso-fucking-lutely. I find it hard to understand why it hasn't been. (good answer Jen!)

Do you think it's wrong so many Hispanics are moving to the USA?
Yes,for the ones doing it illegally. I think is utter bullshit that Americans are having to learn a second language to get jobs in their own country because the illegals won't learn our language.

But for those that come here legally, apply for citizenship, and learn the language, let me be the first to shake your hand and welcome you.

A 12 year old girl has a baby...should she keep it?
If she has a strong support system with her parents and family, maybe. Otherwise the baby should be adopted, and the 12 year old and her environment should be investigated and steps made to prevent it from happening again until she is of age.

Should the alcohol drinking age be lowered to 18?
I like what Jen said on this: I don't think there should be a magic age for anything. Just because you turn 18 doesn't mean you'll suddenly come over all grown up and responsible. Some 15 year olds are more mature than some 18 year olds. There is no magic age, it all gets down to what the individual is like.

As for me, it seems if we're willing to let 18 years olds serve in the armed forces, we should let them drink too.

Should the war in Iraq be called off?
Mute point now,Obama is handling it how I felt it should be done myself. We can't just up and leave all at once, we have too many troops there to do that logistically. And we need to help stabilise the area as much as we can during the pullout as well. I still don't think it will work though, I think Iraq will in up in a civil war down the road...

Assisted suicide is legal...do you agree?
Yes. Another bit of that free choice thing. Governments shouldn't mandate how you should die when you're terminally ill (which is the only time I would approve of it, btw...).

Do you believe in spanking your children?
Yes. No belts, never hard, never when you're angry, just a hand or small wooden mixing spoon to the rear end a couple times. My kids turn out just fine (and I did too).

Would you burn the American flag for a million dollars?
No. Wait. A million dollars is alot of money... And a flag is just a symbol... maybe I'd burn a cheap Chinese made one (crazy, huh?), take the dough and go buy a really nice American made one to replace it.

A mother is declared innocent after murdering her 5 children in a temporary insanity case...what do you think?
I'd need alot more information first. I do think many lawyers use this as a excuse to get their clients off though...

Now, I'm supposed to tag 5 people, but I'll just say do it if you want...

Child Abuse.

2009-03-13T13:15:00.000-07:00

The doorbell rang a few minutes ago, FedEx dropping off a book I ordered, edited and put together by a fellow blogger dealing with child abuse. I've been scanning through it reading bits and pieces of it. It's not light reading in most of it, and my stomach is feeling a little sick right now to be honest. Most regular readers know my wife was a victim of it, so was my mom. Theirs was sexual only as far as I know. Stories in this book talk about the physical abuse brought on by anger as well, and it's hard to read. Horrible beatings, drunken rage, taken out on the innocent children. The book was written in memory of Baby P, a 17-month old boy who died in London after suffering over 50 injuries over an eight month period, during which he was repeatedly seen by a social services program that failed to protect him.

There's another reason this hits me so hard, one I've never told anyone before, ever.

And try as I might, after two hours of writing it out, I still can't.

Go buy the book. All the proceeds go to charity.

weather, politics, and sci fi...

2009-03-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting my couch today, still recovering from the lingering effects of my head cold, looking out of my living room window at blue skies...
sunshine...
and six inches of fucking snow frozen on my back deck...
and temperatures that belong back in January, not March!
It was -11f (-24c) two nights ago, -2f last night.
What the hell?
Damn, I'm ready for spring...

My friend Gillette has written a post that every U.S. blogger needs to read and respond too. I'm not going to here, because it would turn into a rant, but suffice to say this is important. Please go read and watch what she has put up, and then write to your Representatives, it doesn't take that long to do really.

Ok, weather and politics done, I'm going to show a bit of my geeky side and share something from my past as well.

I'm a fan of science fiction, aways have been ever since my dad let me sit in the back bedroom with him and watch the final season of Star Trek on a little black and white TV on Friday nights at 10 pm. Really late to let a 9 year old stay up back then, and we watched in the bedroom because my mom refused to watch that "crap" on our big TV in the living room. Silly little show that was a waste of time she'd say, something I teased her about years later whenever I went to see one of the movies spawned from the silly little show...
Anyway, I grew up watching them all, UFO, Space 1999, The Time Tunnel, 2001, Logan's Run, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, etc. And read lots of books, like Rendezvous With Rama, The Martian Chronicles, and my all time favorite series, the Gaean Trilogy by John Varley.
I thought out a complete book idea back in high school when the first Star Trek novels began to come out, and thought about writing it more than a few times (in college I took a writing course where the instructor said I had some talent to write, and she had taught Clive Cussler). I looked into it once, contacting the publisher of the novels, only to find out it wasn't the type of story they wanted, because back then they wanted stories written within certain guidelines and mine didn't fit that mold.
It was an alternate Star Trek universe story, where a Klingon goes back in time, killing James Kirk as a child, to change the future. The protagonist in my story was Kirk's sister, who was born after his death and became a high tech spy, working to help earth defend against the overwhelming encroachment of the Klingon Empire in the revised future. When she discovers by accident the truth of what happen (through a device called the Guardian Of Forever, which only hardcore fans will know of), she sacrifices her life to save that of her brother and restore the timeline, only she finds a way to survive in the end and meets Kirk in the restored universe, and I was going to leave it open ended to allow the possibility for more books.

Later on in the nineties, several of the spinoff shows began doing alternate universe storylines, and now the new movie coming out has taken it to a new level. A Romulan travels back in time to destroy Vulcan and Earth to change history, and old Spock has to travel back in time and get his young self and young Kirk to help repair the timeline. Hmmm, sounds vaguely familiar.
Oh well, this new movie looks impressive to me, and even many non sci fi people are saying it looks good, watch the trailer and see what you think.

sick and hired

2009-03-10T01:26:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting five days. I've been applying for jobs nearly full time for the past few weeks, and finally it came to fruition. Last Thursday I had an informational meeting for a new grocery store that is opening soon, and later an interview at a Verizon Wireless dealer that I felt went very well, but after I took a online psychological profile test, I felt less sure, and due to the lack of a call back... I don't like those tests, I think they disqualify many decent potential employees. I saw it happen once back when I worked for Payless drug stores and I had hired this young woman to work for the summer, but-oh, yeah-sorry, there's this new test we need to have you take (literally the first day the company had used them), and she failed it because it said she showed "aggressive tendencies". The bottom line? The reason she could only work the summer for us was because she was going to her new job in the fall, as a 2nd Lieutenant in the US Army. Yep, good enough for Uncle Sam, but not for our drug store...

Anyway, I spent the weekend with Terry, going to a fundraising basketball game played by her son's elementary school teachers on Friday, fixing her car and furniture on Saturday, and totally wiped out by a nasty head cold on Sunday (spending part of Saturday walking around pick a part salvage yards in light snow probably didn't help...).

Thanks to NyQuil, by Monday I was feeling much better.
Oh, and a PSA here: if your suffering a head cold, and taking NyQuil for it, I don't recommend having an orgasm (hey, Saturday night I wasn't feeling that bad yet!), unless you enjoy the feeling of a 1000 volts of electricity shooting through your brain. At least in my case that's what it felt like, which kinda took away from the pleasurable aspects of a few moments prior...

But yesterday I was feeling more human again, which was good, as I had two interviews lined up, one with Walmart for a job in their garden department, and the other with the grocery store company for a job in their Deli department. And while I was heading into Walmart a local hardware store called to set up an interview as well...

So long story short, I was offered two jobs yesterday, and I took the grocery store one. Walmart doesn't even offer medical benefits to their employees until they've worked there a year, and the hiring manager told me she didn't think the medical coverage was very good in any case.

The other company, WinCo Foods (actually they're more like Costcos), offered me higher pay and they have kick ass benefits starting after 3 months (even for us part time employees), so I'll be able to take care of my prostate issues by early summer. And WinCo is a employee owned company, and growing at a healthy 10% rate even with the recession (dare we say near depression?) we're in now, in fact their sales are increasing now as more people shop there to save money. So I don't feel worried that I'll start work, only to have the company fold up six months or a year down the road. And working part time will still allow me the flexibility to work on my photo business, which is starting to pick up a little again (finally!).

Oh, and by the way, the store is just down the street from Terry's place...
How convenient, ay?

happy happy...

2009-03-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

I picked this song because she likes it, and today she is, and she always has been, and once was for a while...
Happy Birthday Kimba, have a wonderful year full of groovie experiences.

P.S. I'm posting this at 12:00 AM, March 10th, Melbourne time, so it's geographically correct!

this and that...

2009-03-03T22:30:00.000-08:00

Don't have much worthy of a full post right now. Here's a run down of what's running around my head and life right now.

*Felt nice today, got up to 53f (11c) and felt downright spring like. No worries though, snow is forecast for Thursday... And as I write this I have lightning flashing and thunder rattling the house...weird weather.

*I remembered reading in Popular Science with my dad years ago (35 maybe?) about how TVs of the future would hang up on the wall and looking at him and saying wow, wouldn't that be cool to own one now? I thought of that conversation with him as I hung my flatscreen up on the living room wall this evening...

*I also hung this tin sign up today as well, ordered it a few weeks ago.

*The house repairs continue with my parent's old place, and should be finished by the end of the week, and the escrow should close about a week later hopefully. Terry's escrow is on track, with good news on some additional tax breaks. The house inspection on Sunday revealed a couple electrical concerns that will be fixed by the seller, as well as some yard debris they will haul away.

*I've rejoined my old gym, and it feels good to be getting back into my exercise routine, and I'm hoping I'll lose the ten pounds I have put on in the past few months quickly, although might take a little longer due to the great meals Terry fixes me. Not that I'm complaining...

*I have three job prospects now, with two interviews on Thursday and another waiting to be scheduled. Hopefully a few more of the several dozen applications I've sent out will garner callbacks, just in case these three don't pan out.

*I checked out prices today on getting all my Australian and Native American artwork framed (and one piece stretched), and found a nice shop to do the work. As I get them done, I'll take photos and share them here. I also have to get an old painting of my dads repaired too, it's of a mountain in Alaska that bears his name. All the Army surveyors that were mapping the area back in 1942 were allowed to name one peak for themselves, and so there is a Mount Cal there.

*My neighbor Tim is in the hospital, in ICU. He has developed water on his heart and half his left lung is full of fluid. Turns out he's had pneumonia for the past month or longer, and it finally caught up with him this last Saturday. And he and his family are already in the middle of a bankruptcy and barely holding onto their house. I talked to his wife tonight and she said there wasn't anything I could do right now, but I let her know I'm there if they need anything. I feel so bad for them, this economy has hit them very hard and Tim has been struggling to find work, but hasn't had any luck so far...

*Had a little bit of a blurb about the lack of leadership in the Republican party to share with you, but decided not to, since it was about Rush Limbaugh. I can't stand him, and putting a video of him on my blog was just a little too much.
I'd have to break out the heavy duty cleansers then...

Have a good week everyone.

home is where the heart is...

2009-02-26T21:15:00.000-08:00

Terry has been waiting for March 3rd on the calender to buy a house, when she is eligible for a special loan offered to Washington state residents who haven't owned a home for at least 3 years. So this last weekend we went and looked at two houses (she has been looking off and on for several months), and the second one was the one, a nice 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath rancher built in 1949. It has all new baseboard heaters, new stainless steel appliances (including a refrigerator, washer and dryer), and 4 new ceiling fans. New textured stone floors in the baths and kitchen, and hardwood floors throughout the rest of the house. Outside there's new siding, garage door (and opener) and wood fencing around most of the backyard. It will need a new roof down the road, but for now, just a bit of fencing on the side to keep Ack (Terry's dog) in the yard, some patching of nail holes in the walls, painting, window coverings, and then some outdoor landscaping work as the weather warms up.

I hear her scribbling the honey do list now...

The first time we looked at it she made note of the bedroom with a sliding glass door that exits out on a wood deck in the backyard.
She said Oh look, this would be a great room for your office.
I smiled and said My office? and I teased her as she backtracked a little.

But when we took her son to see it the next day after her offer was accepted and he asked if there was a separate bathroom for him, Terry said No, you'll have to share it with us...

And I just smiled inside.

rant of the political kind...

2009-02-24T08:08:00.000-08:00

Apologies to my friends of the Republican persuasion...you might want to skip this one. I'm mad...

I had other things to write about today, until I came across a blogger who wrote a post condemning Obama after only five weeks in office. I'm not going to link to it out of respect to free speech and the golden rule (If you can't say something nice...), but I will use some of the talking points here. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, on their own blog.

Here's mine.

The blogger wrote:
The Democrats completely own that 800 BILLION dollar decision.

WRONG.
The thing that bothers me here is that Obama went out of his way to be bi-partisan on this bill, giving many concessions to the minority Republicans (when he really didn't have to), only to have the Republicans throw it in his face at the vote by refusing to support it after adding their amendments to it. I hope this has taught the Democrats a lesson, that maybe from now on if they are going to be judged regardless, maybe they should forget about including Republicans in the process.

Oh yeah, and back in late 2008, Bush allowed his appointee, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson to try and ram the first $700 billion dollar bailout down our throats with scare tactics, which was slowed downed by some cooler heads that wanted to look it over first before it was passed, but by the time Obama took office NO ONE from the Bush administration could tell us where $350 billion of it went.

How the fuck do you spend that much money, with no accountability?

They need to hope it works.

Wrong again, we all need to hope it works. Every American.
And by the way, Obama is trying undo 8 years of damage from whom many already believe is the worst President in our nation's history. It's NOT going to happen overnight.

Maybe in two years the people of this country will vote out these dullards, idiots and asshats.

Oh, do you mean those Republican governors who don't want to accept some of this "Democratic" stimulus money to help the people that live in their state (and helped put them into office in the first place), just to make themselves look better to the Republican Party and make a "point"?
Or are you talking about the Republican Senators who took advantage of Obama's bi-partisanship to simply get their tax cuts added to the stimulus package, then voted against it (knowing full well it would pass anyway) in hopes that it will fail and make the new administration look bad?
Yes, I do hope they vote them out... all of them.

And can you imagine someone thinking Bush was stupid??

Yes, amazing isn't it?

A President who after the worse attack on this country since Pearl Harbor, and when the economy was beginning to tank said "Get out there and shop. It’s the American way.” (Mr. Bush in late Sept. 2001 urged the American public: “Fly and enjoy America’s great destination spots. Get down to Disney World in Florida. Take your families and enjoy life, the way we want it to be enjoyed.” He’s even asked consumers to spend during better times. “I encourage you all to go shopping more,” back in December 2006). Never mind many Americans have trouble filling their gas tanks to get to their minimum wages jobs, putting food on their tables, or getting decent health care and education for their kids... Who the fuck needs that? Just go spend...

A President who lied to get us into a war, who violated rules of the Geneva Convention allowing illegal methods of torture to occur, who allowed wiretapping of every phone line in the United States.
Think back to when we've heard of an American being held in a third world country somewhere, in their prison system, without representation or due process, and left to sit in a cell with no hope for a trial, or release.
And we'd be outraged because we would say that would never happen here in America.
Well now it has, thanks to Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld, et al...
And some wonder why so much of the world looked at us with such disdain these past few years and scoffed at Bush, and then celebrated when Obama was elected.

A President who allowed the government regulations that prevented companies from writing sub prime loans to be dropped, setting the stage for the collapse we've seen happen. I'm not saying any one President is completely responsible for how an economy works, there are many factors outside of his control, but to use an analogy, the President steers the car, and in my opinion Bush took out the brakes, the steering wheel, and bailed out of the vehicle before it ran off the cliff. And left the office with a 1.2 trillion dollar debt.

How the fuck could anyone vote for these people?

Funny thing, that. I never did vote for Bush, I voted for the man who won the popular vote in the 2000 election. But because it came down to electoral college votes, it ended up with whoever won Florida's 25 electoral votes. You remember that, right? The governor of Florida at the time was Jeb Bush, George W's brother...

Imagine that.

Rant. Over.

don't try to fix me i'm not broken

2009-02-19T23:09:00.000-08:00

I've been in a mood today and I didn't even know it.

Terry told me tonight over the phone. Boy, you're in a mood tonight...

There's been alot on my mind lately, and stuff going on in the background I haven't talked about, just because I didn't feel like it at the time. I've had a inner ear infection for the past two weeks, that finally has cleared up thanks to the Mexican purchased antibiotics I picked up last summer. Then Terry's son B got sick, and finally Terry herself last Sunday afternoon, both are better now though. I've been dealing with a ~~grumpy~~ fuckwit contractor, and inept insurance adjusters long distance, and finally have a check in hand to pay for the repair work to my parents old place, but not before having to jump through a few more hoops because of the two party check (me and the reverse mortgage company) the insurance company sent to me. I will be so glad when this is finished...

But the biggest thing weighing me down is trying to find work. It's a shit market out there now, especially for my line of work. Listening to Donald Trump talk about the economy on Letterman last night didn't help much either. Our country is royally and truly fucked right now, and I wonder if Obama or anyone else can pull it up much...

I woke up to a text message this morning from Kimba telling me she got the new job she wanted, and I wrote back congrats, and now if I could just get a job myself. I got in a funk over that, but pulled myself out of it (I thought) with some music. Then I sat down and signed up to 3 new job services and applied for eight more jobs today, I've already applied at so many I've lost count. I aced a test I took last week for temporary government census work, but I really need a job with benefits for the medical coverage.

Kimba also sent me a text a couple days ago saying if she got the job she was worried she might not be able to manage Taz, and might need to send him to me, and I said sure, it's been lonely here since Chelsea died. I realised then how much I miss having a dog around, even though I enjoy Terry's schnauzer Ack. If Taz doesn't end up traveling across the pacific, I think I will have to go find a little Jack Russell of my own. I even have a name picked out...

And then on top of all this I've had another bout of adopted country homesickness.
Sigh, what I wouldn't give for some tim tams, cherry ripes, crumpets, and even a bit of Vegemite right now... and wash it all down with apple mango juice...

There's more I need to talk about, but it will wait. I'm melancholy right now, not in a bad way, just a mellow, quiet, reflective way where memories of the past mix with the realities of the present, and thoughts of tomorrow.

Found this song just a hour ago, and I've been playing it as I write this.

It fits my mood perfectly....

grrrrrrr.....

2009-02-17T22:29:00.000-08:00

I've been having a problem with the Postal Service recently. It started when 1) my daughter put a forward in for her mail to be sent to Illinois, and 2) my regular carrier had to take medical leave for a hip surgery. I knew something was up when the normal amounts of mail and junk mail (recently increased to include my parents junk mail now forwarded to my address *rolls eyes*) stopped filling my mail box. I went into the post office to have my suspicions confirmed (being a former letter carrier I had a good idea). The new replacement carrier had marked my house vacant (even though a car was parked in the driveway and the snow removed regularly) and started forwarding all my mail to my daughter.

Sigh.

And I was waiting for some important checks, and escrow paperwork dealing with the sale of my parents old place. I got it all sorted out after talking with the postmaster, and my mail has been back to normal now for the past couple weeks.

But back on January 22nd I ordered a Valentines Day present for Terry online, and was told it would arrive no later than Feb 12th, which was an overly generous time frame even at ground rate shipping. In fact, I ordered three other things online that showed up in less time than this gift package was taking. But come Feb 13th I had no package, and I was pretty mad at the company for screwing it up, even more so because when I wrote them on the 7th about the undelivered package, all I received was a repeat of what their website told me: this shipment is due to be delivered on Feb 12th, and may even show up sooner! By this point I wasn't holding out ~~much~~ any hope, but I had to wait out their absurdly long delivery date.

So I called them on the 13th, and a nice guy named Irving told me Oh wow, yes that is bad, we'll send you out a new shipment and you will receive it sometime next week.
I was thinking hmmm, thanks Irv old buddy, but it would have been nice to have had it last week though. First and last time I use your company...

This morning I had an email telling me the replacement package is being sent priority mail and will be at my house by the 19th.
And of course this afternoon the original package showed up at my door.
Complete with a little green FWD that had been scribbled out with an ink pen, and a postmark from Illinois dated Feb 9th... I try to think nicely of people, I really do, but the the first thoughts in my head were that fucking incompetent bitch...

I wrote a letter to the USPS:

To whom it may concern:
I wanted to lodge a formal complaint over an issue that (hopefully) has been taken care of now. A new temporary carrier that was obviously not trained correctly put a forward in for ALL the mail being delivered to my address even though the forward was only for my daughter (and I was told the carrier had marked my house vacant, even though I had a car parked outside and snow constantly removed).
I had been waiting for a special Valentines Day gift to arrive in my mail, purchased online and mailed out Jan 23rd, and it only arrived today, Feb 17th, because it had been forwarded by the carrier, and was delivered to ****, Ill according to the postmark on the package dated Feb 9th.
I am most unhappy with the performance of this carrier and also feel the postal service owes me compensation for the lack of timely delivery and time personally spent to rectify this USPS mistake. I paid $41.92 for products shipped three weeks prior to Valentines Day.
I don't really expect the USPS to do anything about this though, because I had a similar problem once years ago that was not resolved to my satisfaction, however I DO expect this to not be an issue again.

I started thinking though, if they did investigate, and would consider compensating me, would they want to know what I ordered and from whom?

Because I really wouldn't want to list these items from Adam & Eve.com...

love

2009-02-14T00:00:00.000-08:00

Some believe,
and some don't.
Some find,
and some keep looking.
Some want,
and some never know.
All hope,
but some pretend not to.

If you celebrate it, Happy Valentines Day.

And to my friend Cat, Happy Birthday, I hope you have a great year. Old hag my ass!

poll results

2009-02-12T02:00:00.000-08:00

First off I want to thank everyone for the response! 40 all together (37 plus one in another post, one through email, one offline).

Here's how it broke down:

1) Mt Shasta, 6
2) Newport Beach, 9
3) Yellowstone Geyser, 18
4) Old Faithful, 14
5) Yellowstone River, 16
6) Grand Teton, 21
7) U.S. Capital, 4

There were four readers who's choices I weighted more, and all 4 liked #3, followed by 2 votes each on #4, 5, and 6. Oh, and Terry, who found this contest for me on her flight home after Christmas, liked # 4, 6, and 7.

My favorites going in were 2,3,4, and 6. I like #5, but I'm still not happy with how I've worked the sky, which I burned out in the original photo because of the long exposure. I'm going to ask a photoshop friend for some help with it, because the rest of the photo is so good. I was waffling the most with #2 or 4, I really like the seagull, but worry the judges might think I added the seagull in. And everyone has seen plenty of photos of Old Faithful. But in the end I decided on #4 because the contest is supposed to showcase places Alaska and Horizon Airlines fly to or near, and it's well known. So today I will mail off prints of # 3, 4, and 6.

I spent part of yesterday calibrating my monitor (fun times, let me tell you) so I could rework number 6 to my liking so the print would come out right. I replaced my banner with the new one, less blue and green tones, more warm highlights to bring out the mountains more.
I also received the book I ordered last week to help me find new avenues to sell through. Already have dogeared some pages and highlighted several possibilities...

And here is the company website that is putting on this contest, and you can see last years winners. The prizes are seats anywhere Alaska Airlines flies, including Hawaii. Too bad it doesn't include their affiliates like Qantas...

Thanks again all!

sadness and anger

2009-02-08T22:56:00.001-08:00

I've been following the bushfires in Australia the past few days for obvious reasons.

Last summer when I lived there it was unseasonably mild and wet, and the fires were thankfully few, but these last few weeks I watched and worried when I saw the temps climbing into the high 40's and read many Aussie bloggers talking about the extreme heat.

I saw a map of where the fires were around Victoria and remember my travels through many of those areas. The Yarra Valley (beautiful wine country), the foothill areas north of Melbourne, the towns of Bendigo and Horsham, the Grampians where we had our last holiday. The photos and stories are terrible to look at and read. I watched online reports of flames four stories tall and spot fires starting 25 Km ahead of the firestorm. And the people, farm animals, and wildlife that never had the time to outrace the fires. I was upset reading about an entire family that perished in their car trying to escape. God, I can't imagine a worse way to die.

And now to hear some of them were deliberately started. Fuck.

I wish I could be surprised by that, but it's happened here in the states as well. I remember one year when the Santa Ana winds were blowing in southern California, and two large fires that were started on purpose...

And I know Australia does not have a death penalty, but I cannot help but wonder how some Australians may feel about that today, and later once they hopefully catch the pathetic bastards (or bitches) that started some of these fires.

Myself, I'd tie them to a stake and strike a match. Seems only fair...

A burnt out car is inspected by a policeman as it sits in the main street of Kinglake where scores of houses were destroyed and 29 people died, north of Melbourne.

photo poll

2009-02-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

I'm entering a photography contest, and these are the seven photos I've worked on for it, but I can only enter three, so I thought I'd ask all my friends here which three you'd pick. I'll tell you my choices later. Feel free to critique as well!

(sorry for the small size and low quality, but I'm protecting my work here...)

1. Mount Shasta, CA.

2. Newport Beach, CA.3. Geyser at Yellowstone NP, WY.4. Old Faithful, Yellowstone NP, WY.5. Yellowstone River, WY. 6. Grand Teton NP, WY.7. U.S. Capital, Washington D.C.

inheritance

2009-02-03T19:20:00.000-08:00

Ugh, not feeling so slick tonight, I either have a great sinus infection or cold starting or my ears are going to explode soon...

A bit of back story to start here: the weekend turned out different then we expected. Terry's son had a sleepover at the last minute on Saturday night, allowing me to sleep over, and then my son and his partner decided to come over for the super bowl after all. A very nice weekend... but Terry and I were up late Saturday night, till about 2:30AM, and so we were both a bit tired come morning, and I insisted on driving her to my house and back home later because I knew she was tired, a fact proven to me when she fell asleep while watching the game at one point.

So last night we were talking on the phone and she mentioned to me how special she felt that I drove the extra 55 miles (and one hour) round trip for her, and that she has never had a boyfriend or husband treat her like I do, and I told her it was nothing, it's just how I am and how I was raised.

And that made me think back to how my dad would do things, big and little, for my mom and how he must have learned that from his father. I told Terry how I never got to know my grandmother much beyond the fuzzy memories of a 4 year old, but I heard the stories of how my grandfather would give his wife a full body massage every night to help with her circulation problems, and how when she started having trouble walking up the stairs to their second floor bedroom, he built a elevator for her (he was a carpenter and cabinet maker) in their house.
I told her I just had good examples of men in my family who were thoughtful and caring to the women in their lives, and had passed that on to me.

I've been told what a nice guy I am through the years, and in the past couple years how great a catch I would be. I've had bloggers I've never known or read send me letters telling me this even, and while I've been appreciative of the comments, I'm also uncomfortable with the praise, because to me I don't feel I'm doing anything special. I'm just being me. Shrug.

I hope most of you know me well enough to realise I haven't written this to boost my own ego, or pat myself on the back (In fact I've been debating about posting this for about three hours now...), I just had a new insight of where my behavior came from that I hadn't really thought about before and felt like sharing it.

But I am curious, do any of you recognize some traits passed down from your ancestors?

super update

2009-01-31T08:33:00.000-08:00

Lately I haven't been keeping up with some of the goings on at Casa del Fusion, so here it is.

I'm sitting here on a nice Saturday morning on my couch looking out on a sunny but cool morning, the weather has been not so bad the past couple days, warming up into the 40's and giving hints of an early spring. I like that.

For Super Bowl Sunday (our footy grand final to my Aussie friends) I had tried to set up a party, but had no takers, and last night when we realised that Terry's son wasn't going to have a sleepover this weekend, she told me "Fuck the super bowl, you can tape it, right?" with a mischievous look in her eyes that told me yeah, there's a better offer on the table for Sunday afternoon... Gotta love DVR's.

Job wise, nothing yet. AT&T didn't call back, don't know why, but their loss. I've applied with a couple other companies, but the pickings are very slim right now. This economy is damn scary, and I'm wondering how long it may take to get work again. I was told by a friend a few days ago to not even bother checking out the Idaho employment office as the job binders there are full of info on how to get free clothing and food instead of work these days. He said the jobs are posted on a few sheets tacked up on the bulletin board...
The jobs I've applied for I've found on craigslist, which has firmly become one of my favorite places on the internet. I've mentioned here how Terry and I met through CL, and now I just sold my parents old car on it in less than fifteen hours! And strangely to a nice older couple named John and Kathy... I plan to put a few other things up for sale there too, to help bolster my finances to weather this economic downturn.

The best news though is that my parents old house, which is still being repaired, is in escrow now. I received an all cash offer on it, and as soon as the repairs are complete, it should close in ten days or so. Hopefully by the end of February that chapter of my life will be done. And then with my share of the sale I will pay off the small second mortgage I have left on my house and be 100% debt free for the first time in my life.

And once that happens I'm going to buy my photography website so I can list it on my business cards, stock photo sites, and in photo magazines. I decided a while back to go with a family based company that some of you may know of, Smugmug.com. The more I have tried to think about going back to work full time, the more I realize I don't want to, and that I want/need/have to continue my dream of making a living from photography. I know I can do it, and don't plan to stop until I do. I've come too far not to. My next post will have a series of photos I want everyone to choose their favorites of, as three will be entered into a photo contest, and I'm ordering a book to learn about selling to different companies as well. I realise I need to get my work out there in different places then I have so far, and that's my immediate goal. I'll let you know how it goes.

Have a great Super Bowl weekend everyone!

Go Cards!!! (hey, they're from Arizona, I have to back them!)

50 coins and 10 years...

2009-01-29T17:06:00.000-08:00

Ten years ago the US Mint started putting out the state quarters, and we bought a little tri fold book to hold them all. I remember looking at it and wondering how different our lives would be by the time it was filled up. I would never have guessed.

Last Saturday night in the change I received at a Ben and Jerry's ice cream stand (I love Cherry Garcia!) I found the last coin issued, Hawaii of course, since it was the last state admitted into the union. Fitting I think considering one of it's native sons just became President, something else I would have never thought of back in 1999...

It was interesting to watch them be issued, five each year. The last one in 1999 has always been special to me because of my daughter, who was in junior high then. She and her several of her friends had started a club they called "Tree Friends", why I don't remember, but when the Connecticut coin came out with an oak tree on it, it became tree friend currency, and for years I would hold on to that coin until I had no other quarters to spend. To this day I still keep one or two in special places and it makes me smile.

Through the years, we'd watch the coins come out and ooh and ah over the nice ones and wonder what were they thinking on some others. In my opinion one of the very worst was Idaho's. The only state to put a Latin phrase on a coin (it's the state motto, meaning Let it be perpetual), and a bird that looks more like a pigeon than the eagle it's suppose to be. And Idaho doesn't even have many eagles!

I've been told recently that I am a collector, and I guess that's true. Music, movies, coins (one coin I own is from 1627), lapel pins, old TV Guides (oldest is the moon landing issue of July 1969). My mom used to collect owl figurines, and my dad, elephants. My sister collects Parisian things.

So what do you guys collect?

TMI Tuesday #171 - Movie Edition

2009-01-27T21:40:00.000-08:00

1. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
Last Saturday night we saw Gran Torino. Great movie, highly recommended, as is the one we saw the week before, Slumdog Millionaire. Great music in that one as well.
Terry received a $100 gift movie certificate from one of her bosses (she works for three lawyers), so we're seeing lots of movies these cold and snowy days...

2. What is your favorite movie theater snack?
Popcorn, unbuttered.

3. Have you ever snuck in ‘outside’ food into a theater?
Sure, who hasn't? But in Australia I never had to sneak it in, which I found hard to get used to at first...

4. Have you ever made out in a theater?
Up until a few weeks ago, never. Yeah, what can I say, late bloomer...

5. What is the ‘farthest’ you have gone in a theater?
I've promised Terry to never talk about our private life on here, but hey it was just...well it was a little more than just... so yeah, not sayin...

Bonus (as in optional): What is one of your favorite movie sex scenes?
Richard Gere and Debra Winger in An Officer And A Gentleman. I remember one scene where they've just made love very tenderly and she says "Want me to get a towel?" and they laugh a little. That's the one I've never forgotten.

two months and a chuckle...

2009-01-23T00:10:00.000-08:00

I haven't written very much about Terry and I on here, but today is two months since our first "date" and I thought I'd share a little bit. We keep looking at each other these days and shaking our heads at how right this feels to us, and how we met through craigslist of all places... joking about how much money we saved by not having to use eHarmony or some such dating site.

She's a legal assistant working for the largest firm in the area, and I've met several of her friends now (and meeting her best friend this Saturday), and she's met my son and his partner. She has 3 kids, 27,25 (both live on their own), and 11. Her 11 year old (I'll call him B from now on) says I'm a cool boyfriend, and even Terry's grey schnauzer Action Man likes me. Yes, that's his name, Action Man, but everyone calls him Ack. He a great dog, even though he pee'd on my new sofa within ten seconds of walking in my house the first time (he was fine the rest of the weekend).

Terry and I have alot in common, but with enough differences to make it interesting. Time will tell if we're long term material (we both kinda think so already) but we're taking it slow still. It feels really good right now and we even have a nice routine going, Wednesday nights (un-hump day, as we call it) it's dinner at her place (she cooks great meals!), and then we spend the weekend together, and depending if B has a sleepover at a friends, we spend the night at her place or just sunday afternoon at mine for our alone time, which is the only thing we don't like (we're greedy and want more!).

Tonight she and B will be over for my special spaghetti dinner I cook (she's already had the Taco dinner, my other speciality), a movie, and then Battlestar Galactica, even though she isn't a big SciFi fan... I'm working on converting her...
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So here's the chuckle, my son's partner linked it to me the other night. Enjoy.

hello Mr. President.

2009-01-20T12:12:00.000-08:00

Please show us the faith that so many have put into you is not misplaced.
You have a hard job ahead of you.
Go for it.

so long and thanks for all the fish...

2009-01-20T00:45:00.000-08:00

Oh wait, that's supposed to be so long and thanks for fuck all nothing...
And please DO let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
HARD.

iTunes meme

2009-01-18T00:00:00.000-08:00

Something that was going around a week or so back, and saved for a time I either had nothing to say or was too busy to post. Here in the middle of a three day weekend (and thanks to some creative planning, four days with Terry) is the time. What's equally nice is at the end of the long holiday weekend, we get a new President as well. I can't wait!
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Open iTunes/iPod or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrassing it is.

How many songs: 2,828

Sort by song title:
First Song: Abigail, Belle of Kilronan - The Magnetic Fields
Last Song: 8 Easy Steps - Alanis Morissette

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: Like Drawing Blood - Gotye
Longest Song: Magnificat VI toni - St. John's College Choir

Sort by album:
First Song: Exit Stage Right- Badly Drawn Boy - About A Boy soundtrack
Last Song: Zebra - The Magnetic Fields - 69 Love Songs

Sort by artist:
First song: ABBA - Rock And Roll Band (1st version)
Last song: 3 Doors Down - She Don't Want The World

Top [10] Most Played Songs:
1. In Praise Of The Vulnerable Man - Alanis Morissette
2. Not Falling Apart - Maroon 5
3. I'll Be Your Lover - Paul Kelly
4. Life In Technicolor - Coldplay
5. Afterglow - INXS
6. Believe Again - Delta Goodrem
7. Scream - Kill Hannah
8. Here With Me - Dido
9. Crazy - Seal
10. (Five way tie)
Torch - Alanis Morissette
Sunshine On A Rainy Day - Christine Anu
Cemeteries Of London - Coldplay
Keep On Movin - Five
Extreme Ways - Moby

follow up on senseless

2009-01-15T23:04:00.000-08:00

I was starting to write this as a comment but decided to post it on it's own instead. I knew the post would garner some deep feelings from some of my readers, and that it's a subject that some have trouble talking about or even acknowledging. But I was amazed at the honesty that many of you wrote with. Thank you all for writing, and I want to add my thoughts to a few of the comments.

Donny said it was ridiculous to hear the reasons given for wanting to take their own lives, but I've listened to the reasons my friend Don has given, and yes, maybe for most of us they might sound dumb, or silly, or ridiculous, but to people like Don, it's very serious, and that's one reason I get angry about suicides, that there isn't always a way to help the deeply depressed... I would give anything to see my friend happy and healthy again.

Becky and Stephen both pointed out the youth issue, that so many feel the pressure to succeed these days, and feel like failures if they don't measure up to whatever standards are being shown to them. That was why my sister's boyfriend Chris killed himself, his family was pushing him so hard to get the best grades, excel in all his extracurricular activities, etc. In 4th grade my best friend Peter went home after school one day to find his older brother hanging from a noose. He never came back to school and I never saw him again...
And I had a cousin who got into cocaine and heroin, one night while she was hallucinating she slit her wrists and died, and I watched what it did to my aunt and uncle. Part of them died that night with her...

Spiky, you talked about your uncle and how your sister was mad at him. That's a very normal emotion to have when death occurs, and I know even more so when it happens unnaturally. But you made a good point when you said he wasn't to blame. I know sometimes it's just too hard for some to go on living, that's part of what makes me sad too...

George, I thought of you the entire time I wrote that post, and I worried about how you would take it, but hoped you would write, because I (and I'm sure anyone who has read your blog) feel you have been very courageous to write about your journey with depression. I was hoping you would put a comment in here, and I hope you understand I wasn't judging her per se, but just the timing she chose.

Stewart, you are right when you say we shouldn't judge others. But you're also right in in saying ultimately, suicide is a selfish act and those that are left behind to deal with the aftermath are never the same.

And that's why I was angry and sad, not because she chose to end her life (although that was part of it too), but because she did it on Christmas eve. Maybe she had found herself in a place so bad she couldn't see out of it, but I can't help but believe she still knew it was Christmas, and what that would do to her kids, and yet she still went through with it...

It makes me sad for them, and her family she left behind.
I've seen this side of it enough to know.
And I know how they will never completely recover from it.

Added later:
As I wrote this Gillette wrote a comment to the last post, and part of it totally sums up how I feel about my friend Don:

I admit to sometimes feeling frustrated with those who have so much but refuse to see it. It's so difficult when I see them cling to their pain when the beauty and abundance they say they want is right before them, almost jumping up and down flailing their arms to be noticed. I want to shake them, wake them up, yell at them to see the beauty in life and to grasp it, not wasting one precious moment of this amazing gift of life, no matter how fucked up it seems in a particular moment.

And as I've written here, I know it's not that easy, but I sure wish it were...