knocking again...

Last week Terry had pains in her chest and radiating down her left arm. We both thought it was caused by work stress but because of her family history we went to the ER where they did the usual things to rule out heart attack. Her mom has six heart stents and Terry has lost relatives to stroke and heart attacks in the past. She was given a clean bill of health thankfully (although as I write this she is having a stress test follow up, just to be sure). She has talked with the powers that be at her workplace to get help in lightening her workload, and that is getting sorted now as well. She has felt overworked for quite a while now, and we recently found out that the two attorneys she works for are number two and three for new case files opened this year at the large law firm she is a legal assistant at, so she has good reason to feel that way.

Then to add to matters, her mom who is 75, had a bad fall this last Sunday and at one point the doctors thought she had broken a hip, but since then determined she fractured a leg. Then on Wednesday morning Terry's only remaining aunt (her mother's sister) passed away after a short battle with stomach cancer, and this morning one of Terry's sisters (who is a nurse) wrote her about their mom's condition. She said it seems like their mom is giving up.
All this comes as we've been preparing to go to California in two weeks for what was supposed to be a celebration of Terry's parents 50th anniversary. We're still going, but the plans have been called off. If her mom improves, she'll be moved to a nursing rehab center. I worry what will happen if she doesn't.

This has brought back all the memories of the past four years of course, of my mom, dad, and wife. I had always been comfortable in hospitals in the past, my wife worked in them for many years, so going there was a easy thing to do. But this last week, I felt a uneasiness I had never felt before, and by the time we left I felt sick to my stomach even. Guess that is to be expected.

And yesterday I had the thoughts I get once in a while, thinking about death and dying. One of those things about growing older I know, but also wondering how many years do I really have left? How many does Terry have left? In my life I've had a grandfather who lived to 96 and a best friend who died at 24. My wife was only given 46 years.

Time is short. And I feel like I'm wasting some of it these days, that I need to do more, before my time runs out. I read Gillette's post and remember how my wife had said she wanted to do something more with her life, leave a mark here on earth before she died. I have always said she did, but I know not in the way she was alluding to.

I'm working on that, with my photography as most my readers here know. I've sold around 300 photos online now. It makes me feel good to know people are seeing part of me out there, even though they don't know who I am. But I want more, I want more.

Before my time is up.