progress

Funny how you can seemingly run out of stuff to talk about at times here (and I've been hearing that from many bloggers recently), and then all of a sudden you have so much you want to share. Last night I was catching up with several blogs and feeling quite philosophical, and reading others who had bits of wisdom to share.

My friend Cynic wrote in a comment: I like a Buddhist saying: "What absolute joy to know there is no true happiness". Wow, how freeing that comment is... I think I spend way too much time worrying about finding that, instead of just enjoying the regular everyday happiness that is all around me if I try...

And another friend, Laney, in talking about her son and his girlfriend breaking up, wrote most poignantly And...no matter how hard we try or no matter how much we want something, sometimes it seems to be completely out of our control.

This is how I feel with Karen, she feels she has no life right now (and cannot have one) because she has been guilted into taking care of her mom. And as much as I'd like to convince her otherwise, she's resistant to change. Will I still try one more time? I think so, she's worth it, but I'm not holding out hope. I did convince her to start using one of my mom's former caregivers for a few hours a week, but it's nothing but a band aid compared to the 24/7 care her mother needs, and expects from Karen. I plan to go down right after Christmas and spend the New Year holiday with her, and so far she hasn't told me no...

That said though, I keep reading through craigslist, and have created profiles on about eight different dating and sex sites, but I'm not actively pursuing anything right now. I think and fantasize about being with Karen (in oh so many ways...), but the thought of trying to start dating up here in Idaho just isn't happening right now. I guess it's a mix of not knowing for sure what might happen with Karen, and the fact I'm knee deep in getting my life back together right now. I have to remind myself that I have been gone for the better part of 15 months, living in Australia, traveling the US, helping out my mom, handling her estate estate after she died, and then coming back to Idaho and having to throw my daughter and her lazyass BF out.

But progress has been made in the last couple weeks since I reclaimed my abode (and I haven't heard from my daughter for a week now). I have patched the several holes and deep gouges in the walls, replaced the heater thermostat, cleaned and cleaned and cleaned, bought replacement tools, new window and shower curtains, rugs, restocked the fridge and pantry, the list goes on and on. I painted the room that will become my new office this last weekend and also replaced the black ceiling fan my son had wanted in the room 13 years ago when we bought the house. My old office will become a den/reading room/guestroom after I repaint it.

I'm close to deciding on a new work computer, found an HP I liked today (I decided to stick with the cheaper, more familiar PCs for now), and tomorrow my POD will be delivered from California. The rest of the week will be busy with unloading that, going under the needle again for my second tattoo (yes, I'll post a picture), out drinking with my friend Tiffany on Friday (with another visit to our local strip club possible), and Saturday a early Thanksgiving dinner with my son and his partner (I bought the fixings for the green bean casserole, yum!). I started my Christmas shopping today as well...

I also turned in a resume today with a AT&T wireless dealer that Tiff works for, she told me they're looking for a part time floater to work at three different locations, and I've been feeling the desire to get out there again amongst the public, but need to keep it part time so I can continue to work on my photo business. My goal is have my office set up and working by Thanksgiving.

Now what was I saying about dating? I seem to have forgotten...